The story of my life 5.3 2007

I'm Succ from Europe. I have had bad breath, body odor and migraine for about five years now. It began when I was 13 years old,
shortly after my mother had passed away. We had a bad mold problem in our house, it was unbearably smelly and all
our clothes and bedsheets and everything were "infected". I felt really awful all the time, both mentally and physically.

Actually, the mold problem had persisted for all my life. For reasons I don't want to talk about, we were unable to move to better house and so we
had to keep living in the same rented flat, offered by our town. They were old houses, built in the early 60s. It wasn't bad really before my mom died,
because she did most of the cleaning and laundry and such. After her death things went into chaos, suddenly the mold problem arised fast, and
my father had great difficulties to get over her death. I think I became mostly the person I am now because of this. I never really mourned that she was gone, I don't
know I just think it's the most natural thing in the whole world.
My mother's death, smelly clothes, smelly house and the mold problem wasn't enough, I soon got bad body odor and bad breath haha. The odor I gave away
was absolutely horrible. I smelled it myself, but I'm sure it wasn't even one tenth of what others smelled. I could see reactions from meters and meters away. Their
voice had problems, eyes and nose dripping. I kind of survived it by suppressing my thoughts, acting like a robot, never talking, never being who I were.

I can't describe the situation in words. There's so much what happened, what I felt. Being only 13 years old, I did what I could. Usually one would think home as a calm,
safe place, but for me it wasn't. Although I have great father, he didn't and still today doesn't know what I went trough. He's a heavy smoker and and his sense of smell is
weakened because of it. Luckily my brother, three years younger than me, agreed with me and told our father that we had a problem. At first he didn't believe it, he said
it smells pretty good. No, he was wrong.

Anyway, after convincing him that there indeed was a huge problem, he called the town and a promise was made to fix the bathroom, where to mold problem was.
It took them over half a year to start the repairs. Dad didn't want to move away so we had to stay. Of course we couldn't use our bathroom during the repair, so we
had to use the shared one, located about 50 meters from our house.
Being in puberty and thanks to my special smelly clothes-smelly skin-smelly hair-smelly breath problem I took a shower every day. On top of that it was winter and
damn cold every morning. There was warm water though ;)

To recapitulate: Every morning I woke up eyes and nose dripping, feeling awful and having bad breath. My dad always smoked his first cigarette inside, so it smelled
so musty because of it. Add the mold problem and the smell was worse by tenfold. After that I had to walk the 50 meters just to find a cold room with a shower and
try to wash myself clean, which never happened. A walk back and I always encountered the few men who were working on the bathroom. When repairing a mold
problem in a house with people in it, you're supposed to decompress the whole area you're working in to avoid dust, mold and suchl affecting others. No, they didn't
do that. They didn't even use any kinds of respirators either. They were freaking stupid and lazy. My dad had to break some parts of the walls by himself because they were
too lazy to do it themselves. In school I became isolated, I didn't want to be close to people and I didn't want to talk. I was absent one-third of the year. On top of this all,
my 9th grade was overshadowed by migraine, which bothered me 24/7. I could only sit, if I lifted even a few kilograms my head would start hurting like crazy.
Eventually just before 9th grade ended, I was prescibed beta-blockers, which slowly but surely took affect.

After two years of battling with all this, I was able to move out. I moved to another town in which I'm still studying in high school. My first year was short, because even though
the mold problem was gone, my odor wasn't. My tonsils were operated and I seriously thought it'd help. Well it didn't. Smited by the harsh reality, I struggeled just to be able to
go to the school. On top of the matter that I was smelly and had bad breath, my skin had became very greasy aswell. I'm talking about extreme greasiness, I literally had to scrub myself
for like 30 minutes in the shower before I felt fresh. Still smelly though. The smell was so intense that it filled my room, my bedsheets, everything. I still wasn't able to relax even in my own room.

Soon I broke. I didn't want to go to the school anymore, and I just stopped. I even spent few days in the adolescent's psychiatric policlinic and was
described SSRI medicines for depression and social anxiety. I never told them what was really bothering me, if I did they would've probably thought it was all in my head,
which would've been bad. And frankly, I didn't even want to talk about it yet. Spring went fine though the medicines made me act all zombie.
Killed even the last bits of emotions I had left, but didn't feel the anxiety anymore.

Being absent for over six months I fell behind. Thank god summer came and I stopped the SSRIs and I felt better. The stench was still there but at least I
didn't have that bad social anxiety anymore. Sun gave me horrible migraine though so I mostly stayed indoors, by my oh-so-faithful computer.
Even my keyboard and mouse were smelly by the way heheh.


Now my 2nd year of high school is almost over. The beginning was tough because the school was so filled with people and it was summer and so hot.
My bb and bo mostly kept me away from social interactions and I only had a low amount of classes per week.
In few months the time spent on researching body odor every week for years finally paid off and I was contacted by a person in my country who had the same problem.
I was told that roaccutan helped. I booked a visit for a doctor specialized in skin diseases and I got her to prescribe me roaccutan. I have severe acne too so it helped.
I did try to mention her about this odor problem in my hair, but she didn't seem that interested and wanted to treat the acne first.
Roaccutan worked wonders in about a month and I was finally, after about four years, odor free. I only had my migraine, bb and acne and smelly clothes to worry about.

Next I began to fight my BB and smelly clothes. Granted, my clothes weren't even half as smelly as they were before, but smelly nevertheless. At least I don't think
they smell bad, just a little weird. First I thought it was the washing machine's fault, then the place where we dry our clothes and now I think I know what causes it.
It's me, I am the disease. For example, if I have kept my t-shirt on for a day, doing nothing but light studying and such, I can smell a fecal-like odor in it after I take a shower.

I had had almost closed the possibility of having TMAU, but after reading that it may also have a fecal like smell I have been very agitated. Researchers believe that TMAU
may be triggered by stress for example in certain cases. That'd fit in the picture that I became smelly at the time of my mother's death. I have yet to find a place
where I could have the test taken, but I hope they do those in my country too.

Last but not least, my bb. Having tried everything and the possibility of having TMAU makes me think there's nothing I can do about it. At the moment I'm eating antibiotics
and antihistamines to lessen the odor and post-nasal drip. I also booked a visit for a psychiatrist. I want to get some benzodiazepines for my anxiety. If I can't treat the disease,
I can always treat the symtoms. I'm only 18 at the moment and here they are very reluctant to prescribe those because they are habit-forming. I don't care really, I just
want to be able to do what other people do, even if it was all thanks to drugs.

Few months ago I actually had some quality time with a girl I met on the internet. My first real love. She almost fell in love with me over the internet and after having talked hours
every day for months, we met in the real world. I was hoping I would be able to act naturally but.. things didn't work out. At first I was able to supress my tension,
but then she covered her face with her jacket and that was the last straw. I became more oppressed that ever and by her own words, I "started acting like a robot".
After the 'date' we talked on the internet for a while and she admitted she had disappointed by about 40%. We kept talking for few more months, but it was never the same.
The spirit which we had was lost. I then told her that it's no use and wanted to break up(although we weren't exactly dating) and she agreed.

Now, thinking if it was the right thing to do, I understant that I would never want her to experience these same things what I have. She'd definitely have to if we were to
be together. I want something better for her and it's not me. Thinking about it makes me depressed, I strongly believe it was my first and last chance. She was everything
I had ever hoped. If~ I really wanted I could probably get any girl I wanted despite this odor condition. But I just can't, that's the way I am. I don't think myself as worthy enough
to be in their presence with this all. Maybe in the future I can be cured and I get back every last bit of experience I've lost.


This post became so long I need to cool down my brains. I'll write more when I feel better.
http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=784617 this the url where my story can also be found, it's not the same and things are told little in a different way, you may
want to take a look.

Succ, 5.3 2007