Shashiburii! Succ's diary 23.8.2007
That's quite a break I took! Almost three whole months. But fear not, I won't disappear. A LOT has happened in my life past three months and there's a lot of thingsI want to tell you all about.
After my dad passed away and BO and BB haunting me I thought I needed a break from this site. It's nothing personal, I was just overly obsessed with these things.
But now I'm a lot better, I hope I don't need to bore you with my annoying angsty posts anymore.
So what's this all about, how am I feeling better now?
Well it first started by accident when I was playing too much MMORPGs during summer and I ate very little, maybe like every second day or so. Anyway, I noticed all my odors were
significantly reduced. I had finally found a way out, though I knew it wouldn't be an easy one.
At the same time I also started this new awesome antidepressant SNRI medicine called Cymbalta. It's one of the newest and most promising for generalized anxiety disorder and
depression. I had tried Cipralex before but it really wasn't my thing, didn't help at all and I felt awful.
So I first ate Cymbalta 60mg/day and noticed feeling only slightly, very little actually, better. We raised the dose to 90mg/day and and after few weeks, BOOOM. I had all these new
feelings and sensations I had never had before, at least not after 6th grade or so haha. In short, I really really felt like being alive again, and most of my anxiety was gone.
I painted my apartment(from inside) and fixed all kinds of things. I bought new clothes and I was able to do things I couldn't do before without getting the feeling of anxiety.
Even my migraine became a little better! Schools just started and with few occasional oxepams I've been fine. There is one thing that's bothering me though, my leg(knees to be exact). I took an x-ray today and in few weeks I should be able to see a specialist.
I mentioned the thing about my odor, yes both my body odor and breath odor has been significantly reduced. I stopped eating meat and candy and I avoid sugar. I must say thou, it's
really hard since I'm too fond of veggies haha. My diet's a mess atm though, I eat only potatoes at school and salad and bread etc. I'm not very sure how should I progress with
this but I'll try to find few good TMAU diets and work on that and see if it works even better. I do get some occasional sniffing and my scalp odor is hard to deal with, but
I have Diprosalic for that reason and it's been really helpful, I use it to get rid of the bacteria and fungus.
I am trying to increase my self-confidence for the next few months and I'll try to make best of my life. If I can keep up with the strict diet, I should be able to live
RELATIVELY normal life. Maybe in few years if my odor lessens even more I can get a real girlfriend.
By the way, there is a really cute new student at our school. I think she's just a little older than I am, and she seems to be always alone too. I won't even try to make a move
on her yet, I know it would end badly being the way I am. I should try to learn some chit-chat as well since I'm really (extremely) bad at that.
I recently bought a new laptop and a new mp3-player. I got new curtains and new bedsheets too o/ I've spend hell a lot of money but I consider a little luxury I can afford
to have. My dad left me few thousand euros, and though I'd much rather earn everything myself, I guess I'll buy some things and try to get over it. Cymbalta costs me 50e/month
and laptop was about 800e so it won't be long before I'm broke again. I'm fine with that though, I don't enjoy living on someone else's expense.
I'll post more when I feel like it, and I will be more active from now on. I hope everyone's still ok and alive.
Succ