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How to Get Abducted by Aliens

Stupid posts goes here - Feed it to the frogs?
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Ihatemybreath
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How to Get Abducted by Aliens

Post by Ihatemybreath »

If you are interested in getting abducted by aliens, there are some things that you need to know. You can be sure that extraterrestrial types are not going to simply travel billions of light-years just to abduct the average person. Certain people are more likely to get abducted than others, and you may or may not fall into the popular categories. Not only do they need a good reason to choose you, but you have to be at the right place at the right time.

People most likely to be abducted

There are certain types of people that are seemingly more attractive to aliens than others. For example, young children are more likely to be taken away than elderly people. Why is that? Here are some of the main reasons:

Children may be more willing to cooperate.
The developmental stages of the human race are fascinating.
They have enough time in their expected life span left for tracking and monitoring post-abduction.
Young tissue is more expendable.
Children are far from the only type of person that is likely to get abducted. Teenagers are also an attractive group. That is because:

Many teens tend to have a desire to detach themselves from their parents.
Post-abduction tracking and monitoring is exceptionally entertaining during high school years.
Teenagers can provide interesting psychiatric variants, as this group tends to be extremely experimental (drugs, sex, alcohol, friendships, dangerous/risky stunt-like activities)

Others who may be abducted

If you are beyond these age groups and are interested in being abducted, fear not. There are certain groups that, regardless of age, aliens would be extremely eager to study. These groups include:

Alien Abduction
Poets
Musicians
Mathematicians
Video gamers
Collectors of rare items
Smokers (of any kind)
College professors
Politicians

This is by no means a definitive list. If you still do not fall into one or more of these categories, there are certain places where you will be most likely to get picked up by aliens. Sometimes, simply by being in the right place at the right time, the average adult is abducted. Please take note of the areas and times of day that extraterrestrials are likely to snatch you.

Places to get abducted

Dark areas. Aliens love to hover over unsuspecting humans flashing their bright scanners. Any area with too much sunlight would ruin the cool effect of their beam. Plus, aliens are rather shy when they are people-picking, and would rather not be caught. For this reason, busy cities are the least likely of places to get abducted.

The most prime locations for human selection are large forests, the open countryside, mountaintops, deep and vast canyons, and deserts. While many of these places can have a significant amount of sunlight during the day, nightfall creates the perfect environment for abduction. A general guideline when seeking out a place to wait for them to come for you is the stars. The more stars you can see in the sky, the more likely you are in an attractive area. Depending on your location, the darkest time of night will vary.

Generally, you shouldn't expect any noticeable activity from a spaceship until between the hours of midnight and 4 am.

Waiting to be taken up

First of all, when you go to a dark location, as described earlier, bring a flashlight. If you injure yourself, it could weaken your appeal. It is more time efficient not to have to repair a human subject before studying it. Bring something to eat as well, because there is no way to be sure when they will show up, if at all.

Another tip is not to go alone. A choice of various humans is preferred over a single human staring at the stars with his or her arms open. You should sit, lie or stand at least one foot apart from each other so that they are not forced to take two or more if they are only looking for one person at the time. (The cruel experiments are always done on the 'extra' one.) Each person in your party should understand that they too could be abducted, and should be prepared.

Alien Abduction
Don't look too anxious to get taken away. Be yourself, and don't wear an alien costume or bring any glitter-filled signs asking to be taken. Costumes are rather insulting since you have no idea what they really look like, and you should respect their right to choose.
When you get to your location, just pass the time in any way that you choose. If you are idle, the aliens may assume that you are expecting them, and will not take you or alert you to their presence in any way. All abductees are at least seemingly unsuspecting.

Should you notice a bright light, a beam or some type of glowing coming from above, run. Aliens love the thrill of the chase. Put up a fight, and act like you don't want to go with them. This alone makes you an attractive candidate.

If you consider this advice, you have a good chance of being abducted. There is however, no guarantee. Good luck to you.


halitosisux
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Post by halitosisux »

Is this just a general piece of nonsense for the nonsense section or does this relate in some way to BB?
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