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perspectives

All the good days that you have, something good happened instead of depressed days with bad breath
waitingforrelief
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perspectives

Post by waitingforrelief »

I've been away for a week for my vacation back in the city that i used to live in. i'm posting this here not because my bb has improved this week. i mean the vit c has given me some relief, but there were still times that i did not smell good at all and stressed about it.

however, i've felt so much better living with it this week than i had in a while. the c did make it easier for me because whether i was right or not - i felt more confident in talking to people and i didn't perceive as much reaction from others. and i guess mostly it gave me some hope. even when it was really bad, i had some hope that it might improve after a tab or two. not to mention the c did help with my energy level. it's always easier to maintain some optimism when one is not paralyzed by lethargy.

but there were a few other things -

first, i have not been as obsessed about it. i was surrounded by close friends (which i don't have many in the town that i live in now) and my partner. i know bb has definitely made us more lonely, but really from another perspective, i see that i focus more on bb WHEN i'm more lonely. it's like the chicken and the egg.

i didn't come to check on the site at all the whole time. the first few days i was antsy and kept wanting to come on here. but then i got used to it and stopped thinking about bb as much altogether. not to say that this site is not a good thing for me at all, it's been life-saving in some ways for providing me with an outlet and other fellow sufferers who understand me. but at the same time, this kind of over-saturation and almost addiction that i have to this site has crippled me somewhat.

i also met new people who didn't seem to react to me. i think partly it's because of the vit c. partly because it's a big city where there're all kinds of foul smell. (sometimes i'd walk on the street and smell something weird. normally i'd just assume that it's me and wouldn't stop worrying about it if i smell it here where i live now. however, over there, since there are so many people, so many foul smells, i'd just have to give up obsessing whether it's me or not. and then i just move on and do other things and not think about it.) so people don't get as sensitive as people in a smaller town where it's clean and odorless and sterile for the most parts. and then it's also the people that i met - i think i was meeting people who were just more likely to not focus on these things, but what i had to say, etc...

i was being hit on by all kinds of people all the time - so i guess whether i thought they could smell my breath or not, it sort of raised my self-esteem somewhat. ha no, but seriously, it's also seeing how much interest new friends/acquaintances had in me, and how warm and happy old friends got seeing me, that made me really realize that i am a lot more than this odor problem. .

i talked to my therapist for the first time face-to-face. i only get to see her when i visit my old city. when i'm not there, we do phone sessions. so it was yet another step of liberating the shame factor talking to her face-to-face (not just over the phone) without a problem. the next step - which i don't know if it's appropriate - is to maybe ask her to smell my breath when i see her again.

i have some more confidence in feeling that the odor problem is maybe not really a problem for my partner. we talked about it some more and i feel like we've reached a slightly higher level of understanding. andon my part, i've also reached a slightly higher level of comfort in not trying as hard to cover up my odor and not be as embarrassed about it...we haven't talked about it that much, but i also feel less of a need to because i now have my therapist as my outlet for my bb angst.

i've realized that my current life in this new town is really quite lonely. i've always been a bit of a self-isolating person in some ways, so the breath problem really doesn't help. (i can be very social too, but i tend to veer between the two extremes without much moderation. and the social extreme is getting to be less frequent because of the bb problem.) it really makes me think about how much grief i'm giving myself by obsessing over it so much here. granted, when i lived there in the big city, i was lonely too. i mean, with the excitement of visiting my old city that i miss while while living in this small town, i of course felt better about everything while i was there. granted, when i used to live there, i retreated into the same mode of tendency of isolation from people in my life as well. but still, there's something to be said about a certain kind of city lifestyle (including all the different people that i meet, etc.) that somehow possibly makes it a little easier for me tolive in and cope with bb. and of course, in my case, just having my partner there makes all the difference too. long distance relationships are never easy for anyone, bb or not.

so i'm posting this as a happy post because i realize how much better things can be as long as I look at it differently. as long as i don't let it rule my life. easier said than done, i know. and not always possible, i know. but our perspective of things really makes a whole hell of a lot of difference. i've been able to get out of that self-absorbed mode of obsession much more and focus on people that i love, or just communicating with others. and it's felt really good doing that. of course i'll have to give the vit c some credit for sure. but i know the state of mind has so much to do with it. the minute i got home, i checked on the site, and i started getting more depressed about bb again.

so i'm going to try to transfer some of that liberation that i felt this week in my current life here. as they say, when life gives you lemon, make lemonade. i am going to try to make the best out of what i have right now.


hungrygirl
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Post by hungrygirl »

Ah, you see!

That is so nice, a question of point of wiew.

If you cant change the facts, change yourself. After all, we only have one life and we dont want to live it in a way that we regret on our death bed! (There will be nothing we can do then!)
Busted
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Post by Busted »

We all need to find a way to keep our minds off the whole bad breath thing, even if there would be no cure, we could still live a happy life. Has there been one day taht you haven't been self-conscious about your bb?
waitingforrelief
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Post by waitingforrelief »

Busted wrote:We all need to find a way to keep our minds off the whole bad breath thing, even if there would be no cure, we could still live a happy life. Has there been one day taht you haven't been self-conscious about your bb?
hmmm, no, busted. i don't think there's been a single day in the past 10+ yrs or so that I have not been self-conscious about my bb.

but, there have been hours. sometimes, minutes.

just moments. and they're something to hang on to.
unsungzero7
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Post by unsungzero7 »

finally someone with a positive attitude, i know exactly what you mean waiting, this site has really helped me in a lot of ways but for the most part, when i visit it, my day is ruined afterwards because i read something depressing about bb here and cant get it off of my mind. If I don't come here for a week or so, I am a much happier person during that time. It seems like the only positive things to come out of this site are oceanside's discoveries. Other than that it just seems like we talk about how bad our lives suck because of bad breath and its so depressing. I know i am guilty of this too so i am not blaming anyone but I wish it weren't the case. I guess my breath isn't as severe as a lot of people here because in a normal day, no one reacts negatively to my breath, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist (ive been told an odor is always there) but I don't get the constant reminders (people stepping back, covering noses, offering gum/mints). If I did I would likely be much more depressed because no time would pass without bb on my brain. I have come to this site in an attempt to improve the quality of my breath, but in all honesty this simply hasn't happened. Instead, I have become much more obsessed over my breath which has caused me to fall into a deep depression. It has really become a never ending cycle and at this point I have no idea what to do. Sorry im just venting but waitingforrelief said a lot of things I have been feeling.
waitingforrelief
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Post by waitingforrelief »

unsungzero7 wrote:finally someone with a positive attitude, i know exactly what you mean waiting, this site has really helped me in a lot of ways but for the most part, when i visit it, my day is ruined afterwards because i read something depressing about bb here and cant get it off of my mind. If I don't come here for a week or so, I am a much happier person during that time. It seems like the only positive things to come out of this site are oceanside's discoveries. Other than that it just seems like we talk about how bad our lives suck because of bad breath and its so depressing. I know i am guilty of this too so i am not blaming anyone but I wish it weren't the case. I guess my breath isn't as severe as a lot of people here because in a normal day, no one reacts negatively to my breath, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist (ive been told an odor is always there) but I don't get the constant reminders (people stepping back, covering noses, offering gum/mints). If I did I would likely be much more depressed because no time would pass without bb on my brain. I have come to this site in an attempt to improve the quality of my breath, but in all honesty this simply hasn't happened. Instead, I have become much more obsessed over my breath which has caused me to fall into a deep depression. It has really become a never ending cycle and at this point I have no idea what to do. Sorry im just venting but waitingforrelief said a lot of things I have been feeling.
hey unsung. if your breath is not that bad, you really should try to just enjoy your life more. but i do encourage you to find an answer to this, as some of our experience is that with age, this problem tends to get worse. so it'd be awesome if you could nip it in its bud while it's still mild. (altho' maybe it doesn't get worse with everyone, i don't know.)

so this site is an amazing place where we can find resources and support, but i guess we'll just have to keep a "healthy" perspective, and not let coming here backfire on us emotionally. i do feel so much better about having this than when i was teenager, thinking that i was all alone in this with nowhere to turn.

so go out and live your life. :)
oceanside
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Post by oceanside »

Unsungzero,
I am glad you brought up this point. Yes, in so many ways, this site is like our own worst emeny. in many ways, we become our own self-destruct machanisms. the old adage, "ignorant is bliss" truly appy to our involvement with this site. there were times when i did not involved myself in bb sites and seemed less miserably. but today, my depression is probably 10x worse b/c of my fixation to this site. i m not saying it's bad, but i am saying with everything in life, moderation, self controll, and limitation.

I want to say i am sorry for my depressing posts.

i am trying to take what W4R said in this thread and apply it to my life. i have tried many times in the past to whine off this site and not visit it anytime i have a chance. in fact, i am at work and visiting this site. i know it has consumed my whole life.

again, i am glad that you and w4r brought up this issue b/c we really need to talk about this. we really are reinforcing our state of depression by our involvement.

that is why i am really glad that we are talking about how we are affected by this ordeal, emotionally and psychologially.

thank you, unsung for confronting this issue. more than anything i want a cure but i also have to accept that i am making myself more miserable on a daily basis by my 24/7 OCD/fixation on the BB.
waitingforrelief
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Post by waitingforrelief »

oceanside wrote:Unsungzero,
I am glad you brought up this point. Yes, in so many ways, this site is like our own worst emeny. in many ways, we become our own self-destruct machanisms. the old adage, "ignorant is bliss" truly appy to our involvement with this site. there were times when i did not involved myself in bb sites and seemed less miserably. but today, my depression is probably 10x worse b/c of my fixation to this site. i m not saying it's bad, but i am saying with everything in life, moderation, self controll, and limitation.

I want to say i am sorry for my depressing posts.

i am trying to take what W4R said in this thread and apply it to my life. i have tried many times in the past to whine off this site and not visit it anytime i have a chance. in fact, i am at work and visiting this site. i know it has consumed my whole life.

again, i am glad that you and w4r brought up this issue b/c we really need to talk about this. we really are reinforcing our state of depression by our involvement.

that is why i am really glad that we are talking about how we are affected by this ordeal, emotionally and psychologially.

thank you, unsung for confronting this issue. more than anything i want a cure but i also have to accept that i am making myself more miserable on a daily basis by my 24/7 OCD/fixation on the BB.
you don't have to apologize for your depressing posts either, john. this IS an appropriate place for us to vent. lord knows there were times when i had nowhere to turn with my angst and this site really became a lifeline for me... i would've never felt as validated about my condition and feelings without you guys' expression of both your depressing and happy experiences.
Busted
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Post by Busted »

waitingforrelief wrote:
Busted wrote:We all need to find a way to keep our minds off the whole bad breath thing, even if there would be no cure, we could still live a happy life. Has there been one day taht you haven't been self-conscious about your bb?
hmmm, no, busted. i don't think there's been a single day in the past 10+ yrs or so that I have not been self-conscious about my bb.

but, there have been hours. sometimes, minutes.

just moments. and they're something to hang on to.
The moments where you completely lose yourself and forget about your bb, it's actually those moments that people offer you gum, mint or tell you you have bb. If you're always quiet and never say anything, people will think you're shy and all that stuff, and most likely won't ever say anything about your breath. Maybe they feel sorry or don't want to be mean to someone they think is shy. This is one of the reasons why other people find me very strange. My behaviour changes from day to day and from person to person. But it's hard to keep a conversation goin on when bb interferes.
unsungzero7
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Post by unsungzero7 »

busted, how often are you actually told you have bb?
waitingforrelief
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Post by waitingforrelief »

Busted wrote:
waitingforrelief wrote:
Busted wrote:We all need to find a way to keep our minds off the whole bad breath thing, even if there would be no cure, we could still live a happy life. Has there been one day taht you haven't been self-conscious about your bb?
hmmm, no, busted. i don't think there's been a single day in the past 10+ yrs or so that I have not been self-conscious about my bb.

but, there have been hours. sometimes, minutes.

just moments. and they're something to hang on to.
The moments where you completely lose yourself and forget about your bb, it's actually those moments that people offer you gum, mint or tell you you have bb. If you're always quiet and never say anything, people will think you're shy and all that stuff, and most likely won't ever say anything about your breath. Maybe they feel sorry or don't want to be mean to someone they think is shy. This is one of the reasons why other people find me very strange. My behaviour changes from day to day and from person to person. But it's hard to keep a conversation goin on when bb interferes.
busted,

consider this -

with people who already know you. who have already gone thru' stages of offering you mints, who have already found out that even with mints your breath is still bad - they'd stop and accept that you simply have chronic bb.

it's always the hardest in meeting new people when they react to you, because then it's when you know that either they'd accept you or reject you with the odor problem.

they might still shy away, (and we'll have to accept them about that. after all, it IS unfortunate that we have bad breath.) but with acceptance, they'd take you as you are, smells and all. if you never say anything, they can't get to know you. so all they know is the occasional odor that they catch when you occasionally open your mouth. then you become the weird person who's quiet and smells bad, and not busted the person with all the different facets to his personality who also unfortunately has a medical issue of bb.

you know what i mean?
Busted
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Post by Busted »

I've found that I'm much better off not saying things too often. It's either the other person that stops the conversation by goin away, or it's me. They'll either think i'm rude, or I smell. There's no other choice. There has been times where I pretended I had halitophobia and started to lose myself completely. I did forget about my bb completely until someone told me about it again of course. You can also see the reactions on their faces. It must be absolutely unbearable for them. So now i'll just have to be more careful, find the right moments to say something.

You ever been in one of those group conversations where people stand around in a circle. The last time I was in one I made everyone take a step backwards. There's no way in hell I'm ever goin to do one of those again, but some dude was pissed off because he tried to make friends with me, he felt rejected afterwards. But that dude always gets into group conversations, if I be his friend most likely I will have to get in them too. I mean what are the others goin to think if I go stand somewhere else in the corner instead of in the group circle. They will gossip with my new friend about me being weird. Just like the situation I am in now where I didn't make a new friend. No matter what they'll always think you're weird. You can't even lol when someone's around you, all you can do is smile. If you always smile, but never laugh, people think you're crazy too.

I feel much happier by not being too close to someone. I wouldn't constantly have the feeling that I make someone uncomfortable, but for some reason whenever I see reaction now, it's more like "Yea whatever, I know". I much more social than I used to be. I don't really have any close friends, just someone I talk to occasionally. Those who are closer, I tried to hide the fact that I change my behaviour to adjust to my bb. I don't want to give them a bad reputation too. I've found that not everyone minds your bb, some are really good at hiding their reactions. But the majority of the college students do mind. That's really unfortenate, they act like you got a serious disease or like you're from another planet. Maybe it is my own fault that other people in college hate me, but I don't really care anymore. I don't even know what's right to do and what is not. I already gave him a really bad reputation, why not screw up even more.

In the end all of this is just because I can't find the right adjustment for my chronic halitosis problem. *sigh I have no idea which personality to take.
waitingforrelief
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Post by waitingforrelief »

Busted wrote:I've found that I'm much better off not saying things too often. It's either the other person that stops the conversation by goin away, or it's me. They'll either think i'm rude, or I smell. There's no other choice. There has been times where I pretended I had halitophobia and started to lose myself completely. I did forget about my bb completely until someone told me about it again of course. You can also see the reactions on their faces. It must be absolutely unbearable for them. So now i'll just have to be more careful, find the right moments to say something.

You ever been in one of those group conversations where people stand around in a circle. The last time I was in one I made everyone take a step backwards. There's no way in hell I'm ever goin to do one of those again, but some dude was pissed off because he tried to make friends with me, he felt rejected afterwards. But that dude always gets into group conversations, if I be his friend most likely I will have to get in them too. I mean what are the others goin to think if I go stand somewhere else in the corner instead of in the group circle. They will gossip with my new friend about me being weird. Just like the situation I am in now where I didn't make a new friend. No matter what they'll always think you're weird. You can't even lol when someone's around you, all you can do is smile. If you always smile, but never laugh, people think you're crazy too.

I feel much happier by not being too close to someone. I wouldn't constantly have the feeling that I make someone uncomfortable, but for some reason whenever I see reaction now, it's more like "Yea whatever, I know". I much more social than I used to be. I don't really have any close friends, just someone I talk to occasionally. Those who are closer, I tried to hide the fact that I change my behaviour to adjust to my bb. I don't want to give them a bad reputation too. I've found that not everyone minds your bb, some are really good at hiding their reactions. But the majority of the college students do mind. That's really unfortenate, they act like you got a serious disease or like you're from another planet. Maybe it is my own fault that other people in college hate me, but I don't really care anymore. I don't even know what's right to do and what is not. I already gave him a really bad reputation, why not screw up even more.

In the end all of this is just because I can't find the right adjustment for my chronic halitosis problem. *sigh I have no idea which personality to take.
busted, i totally relate to everything that you're saying. i really do.

i know you're a bit younger than me. i'm 32 now. and the loneliness that i've built up around myself (and the condition has built up around me) is getting to be unbearable at my age now. i think that's partly why i decided to reach out and start talking about it, seeking help. (i'm going to see an ENT next week.)

i know i have an odor problem, and so do you. but sometimes either people don't really care about it as much as we do, or that no matter how bad we think it is, to somebody else, somehow it's not so bad. i was in one of those group conversations earlier and had to force myself into denial - to not see that everybody had taken a step back.

but you know what? the guy standing next to me - he also had sat next to me at a meal, etc... - ended up having a crush on me. i thought he was looking at me weird because of my odor, turned out he was staring at me because he was attracted to me.

my point is, yes, it's undeniable some people react to us. it's undeniable we can smell bad, sometimes really bad. but we also need to know that sometimes we really do read into other people's reaction all the time.

i've smelled people with bb, bo, or just people who don't smell good. honestly, i don't really care that much if i like that person. but building a fortress around yourself can only last so long, busted. in the end it's not about "finding the right adjustment" for your halitosis. you can't keep hiding. it's about not having to adjust and let your friends and loved ones accept you, smells and all. come out to someone. if someone wants to be your friend and you feel awkward, come out and tell them it's because you have bb. or just be their friend first, if you feel like they are trustworthy, work toward talking to them about it. you won't give anyone a bad reputation just because they're friends with you.
TIREDOFIT
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Post by TIREDOFIT »

I found a way to let others know that I know about my bad breath. I told them I had a doctor's appt. (which I did). They asked what for and I told them I had been battling a bad breath problem for a long time and I'm thinking of getting my tonsils out. Some said they never smelled my bb (probably liars), some said very little. I told them breifly at how painful it's been. I felt GREAT afterwards! It's very liberating!!! People start to feel bad for you and they are more compassionate. It's hard to bring these things up with work friends though I know, but tell one person and they'll tell everyone else for you I'm sure.
Busted
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Post by Busted »

TIREDOFIT wrote:I found a way to let others know that I know about my bad breath. I told them I had a doctor's appt. (which I did). They asked what for and I told them I had been battling a bad breath problem for a long time and I'm thinking of getting my tonsils out.
That's a smart move, if you mention getting your tonsils out, it cuts out the "bad oral hygiene thought" which is often associated with halitosis.

To be honest I find that someone who has a bad oral hygiene usually doesn't have bad breath. At least not the kind that most of chronic halitosis sufferers have. I mean the one that can be smelled from 5 or 6 feet away. .

Another thing is that sites mention that bad breath is a big problem for the people around you. In my opinion it's even a bigger problem for the person who suffers from it, and of course is self-conscious about it. I mean he/she is the one who has to deal with it daily.
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