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I smell like shit and want to

Anger management part of the forum :), where you can express anger, sadness, sorrow etc.
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DRASTIC
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I smell like shit and want to

Post by DRASTIC »

I cant work anymore ever since this condition over took me. I got a chance to do some babysitting because I was desperate. I have no money to pay my rent and needed some money to buy basic food.

It was horrible. The entire day they kept calling me stinky and I wanted to cry. I hate myself I want to die. I think God has left me. Why doesnt God answer my calls/prayer.

I cant take it anymore. On my way home people kept coughing on the train. the platform was getting more crowded and people were coughing everywhere I went.

I cant live. Infact, I am not living. I guess what made it worst was that I had no lunch today. I got up and left my house at 6pm because the place was so far from where I live. Then was so busy I had no time to eat.

The other people in the building hate me. I live in an apartment. The other tenants hate me. They want me out. I thought I heard one of the tenants complaining about the shitty smell. Everyday they complain.

I have given up. I dont know how worst it could be.

I floss after every meal and snack.
I brush my tongue after every snack and meal.
I brush my tongue.
I brush my cheek.
I try to eat right.
I gargle with non-alcoholic mouthwash.

But it made no difference whatsoever.

**********************************************************************************.
The world hates me and what is worst is I hate myself.

*******************************************************************************

My head is hurting so badly from crying. I couldnt keep back the tears. I even cried all the way home because the truth is I am helpless. I cant help myself.
*********************************************************************************
Last edited by DRASTIC on Thu Sep 11, 2008 2:57 pm, edited 3 times in total.


daveparker
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Post by daveparker »

Just imagine yourself being bb free in the near future, how you would do all the things you couldn't do b4, how happy you will be, the easiest thing for all of us is to give up, don't do that, I know when I'm alone with my thoughts, it brings out the worst in me, just keep your mind occupied and just don't give up hope.
lolalola
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Post by lolalola »

We all feel the same way, there are some days that it hurts so much that you want to just end it all but hang in there!
halihope
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Post by halihope »

DRASTIC Do you have relatives living close to you? Call them and if you have not tell them about your bb go ahead and do it and ask them to help you by doing research. Hang in there and yes occupy your mind on something else. Have you try being a newspaper carrier? You would have to get up early but will have very little interaction with people. Why do people cough? Do you suffer from nose bb and mouth bb?
iva
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Post by iva »

Drastic,

u mentioned u had some stomach problems, have u had endoscopy, can u tell your bb is not caused by that kind of problems?
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DRASTIC
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Post by DRASTIC »

Thanks Daveparker, lolalola, halihope and iva.

Daveparker. Its when I leave my house that I get the worst feeling. When I am alone I feel much happier. But I guess I needed the money to pay for bills so I went for it.

lolalola. I know that some days are worst than others but everytime I go out for a job or interview I want to do something to myself. I just had enough. I dont think God is listening to me. Perhaps he doesnt even know I exist.


Halihope. My relatives are the last people on this planet i would talk to. They think I am nasty, bad hygiene and they dont talk to me anymore. In April one of my relatives died and I went to the funeral they didnt really talk to me. I overheard them talking behind my back just as I got out of the shower how I still smelled even after that. They just laugh behind my back. I would rather disappear than talk to them. I have looked but cant seem to find any jobs for newspaper carrier. Just my bad luck because I wouldnt mind getting up early. People cough because the air coming through my nose smells bad as well as my mouth. I dont have to open my mouth for it to smell.

iva. All day yesterday I kept belching and belching. I missed lunch because I was so busy babysitting. The air that came up when I belched smelled like food that I had eaten the day before. Even at 3 pm Istill kept belching. It was the worst experience. I have tonsil stones problems and manage to get a hospital appointment with ENT for this week. I think that my breath might be related to tonsil stones but i am not ruling out stomach. I havent done an endoscopy because I cant afford private care and the public clinic that I go to the doctor is tired of seeing me for referral letters and my bad breath problem. Last time at clinic she dismissed me for bad breath problems and plainly said go to a dentist. I asked her to do some simple test like diabetes, liver and kidney test to rule out any possibilty and she said. NO!!! She refused outright. Maybe she thought I was a waste of public funds and a waste of space.

For these reasons I have lost the will. I really have.

D
Jimi Stein
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Post by Jimi Stein »

Drastic let me ask you if you think it is fair to write about s*****e on this board, do you really want to drag this board in that direction??

Do you really want somebody to harmhimself, are you so egoistic?

I really dont know, let this be the last time please

I dont allow to talk about such morbid stuff on this board
thanatos
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Post by thanatos »

It sounds like more of a body odor issu than a bad breath issue. or is it both?
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DRASTIC
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Post by DRASTIC »

sorry for upseting people yesterday.

I was just in the pits yesterday. I really really had the worst possible time imaginable. We all go through this crap sometimes.

I have a really good personal friend and have spoken to her about my feelings. She really supported me about this problem. If I give up then I will be giving up on her as well. I dont think I can face to hurt her like that especially after all the emotional support.

Jimi, sometimes the burden gets a bit too heavy to carry daily and we all need to vent. Dont chastise me, I just need support .

Sorry again for offending people.

thanatos its not body odor it bad breath. It was confirmed by the children I babysat. Children will tellyou the truth while Adults wont. Trust me on this they kept saying things like put a mint in, someone in this room has bad breath and your breath smells like fart. Definately bad breath.
My ENT doctor also confirmed bad breath when he was examining me. He told me that I had it.

Drastic
halihope
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Post by halihope »

DRASTIC Have you gone to the dentists like the doctor told you to? Are you keeping up with your dental check ups? If so and you have good dental report then you must find real good reasons why you want doctor to check you for diabetes, kidneys and liver. You must complain of symptoms and how they are affecting you so that doctor can take you seriously. My brother-in-law kept asking, almost demanding, his doctor to do a check up in his colon because he was bleeding and his doctor finally refused to see him and he end up going to Loma Linda Hospital, almost 2 hours from his home. Do not tell a doctor what to do, instead call and report symptoms and DO NOT MENTION YOUR BB AGAIN tell this doctor your dentist is taking care of it. Also, can't you see a different doctor?
Jimi Stein
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Post by Jimi Stein »

but you know what responsibility i have on this site, come on you cant just post about killing yourself, have soem respect for others, if you are so down you need to go to a doctor and therapy

no more ****ing TALKS ABOUT S......

UNDERSTAND!!!!
XXdEaThBrEaThXX
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Post by XXdEaThBrEaThXX »

Hi Drastic

Recently I was in a similar situation as yourself.

I'm still here and I still have god awful BB. However, I, along with others will always be here for you.

The key to overcoming this depression is to stay positive. Do things that you enjoy that avoids direct contact with people e.g. jogging at night, playing computer games on the Xbox, PS3, PC, chatting on MSN, reading interesting books, watching a good DVD etc.

If you wish to discuss anything, feel free to PM me. I'll be rather busy in the coming months but when I get a chance I will always reply.

In the meantime, take it easy and try not to dwell on the negatives.
lolalola
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Post by lolalola »

Drastic we are all here for you, we have all felt that way but find something positive and try to live for that. I love to read, go to the gym, play with my nieces, ride bikes outside. You have to find happiness doing things alone as being around people just adds to our anxiety level and we start feeling crazy. My logic is I would rather be alone on my own than be made lonely by others. We are all here for you!
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DRASTIC
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Post by DRASTIC »

Thanks alot for your support lolalola, XXdEaThBrEaThXX, halihope, iva and Daveparker. I know giving up is not the answer. I will try to be more positive. Thanks alot for your support it means alot.

I took down some of the text that offended people. Again, I am sorry for offending people.

Halihope. I have been to dentist on a regular basis. Not even one filling or cavity. I recently went last month again to get my teeth de-scaled professionally cleaned. The dentist flatly refused to do the cleaning because she said there was nothing there to clean. She did x-rays and nothing wrong. I told her about the complaints of bad breath and she said its not from my mouth like gum disease or anything like that because I have very good dental hygiene.She said I should check my stomach. She said maybe that could be it.

I have my ENT appointment tomorrow. Please pray that all goes well that doctor will take me seriously and approve surgery for my tonsils because I have tonsil stones and deep tonsil crypts.

Drastic
iva
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Post by iva »

Drastic

read ur Private Messages!
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