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looking back

Anger management part of the forum :), where you can express anger, sadness, sorrow etc.
momoko13
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looking back

Post by momoko13 »

I'm having flashes of memories from the past. The times when I was still unaware of my condition. Seeing it now with a new perspective, I can't help but feel heartbroken as I realized that I had been a subject of ridicule, snide comments and backstabbing by the people I trusted most. My friends and even my teachers whom I respected ( I am strongly convinced that my teacher bullied me in front of the whole class without me realizing it). I know it's human nature to recoil at something as disgusting as the Halitosis stench but to laugh with everyone behind my back? Did they think I would deliberately make them suffer with my Breath? I don't remember being such a jerk. Was I a bad person?


oneday4800
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Post by oneday4800 »

Ive had flashbacks too when i didnt know i had bb. At first, i would break down and cry my heart and soul out over whats been done to me. I still have flashbacks but i dont get sad as much. More pissed off. I think they saying "time heals all wounds" is semi truen i know we cant just forget and move on but itll get easier.
oneday4800
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Post by oneday4800 »

Btw. My phone is making me ***k up my typing so excuse the errors :) .


I just wanted to tell u not to think to much about ot. It can put u in a dark place. I still have scars on my wrist from when i was depressed over this. It was scary how low i was. I know it hurts.to have ppl talk about u and think you're disgusting becuz of this. But ther are ignorant to thibk its just because you dont take care of yourself.

I remember when i was taking a picture for my school i.d. the bitch sarcastically said,"smile.show those white teeth." I didnt pay no mind to it at first but now i know she was being an asshole. That hurt for a bit. But she had BB too! Thats what killed me. I hope shes on this website lol. I have horrible memories that i replay and memories that i block out. Once you start having flashbacks, quickly think or do something that will stop it. Thats what i do i hope it works for you.
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FedUp
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Post by FedUp »

I get flashbacks of over a year ago when I didn't have this problem, it kills me.

I hate looking back at face book photos of when I could sit amongst people freely and enjoy life, not now though.
Tonsillectomy - Check
Sinus CT Scan - All Clear - Check
Dentist Examination - "Gums very good" - Check
Endoscopy - Check - H Pylori Negative
Post nasal space cyst removed - Check
Wisdom Teeth Extraction - Check
Mouth Swab Clear - Check
momoko13
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Post by momoko13 »

thanks for the advice oneday. I try not to dwell on those bad memories too much but sometimes you can't help but feel shattered. I thought I was a nice person and had friends but recently the flashbacks that I've been getting are breaking my heart.

One time in class, we performed an activity where we needed to act out a scene from the story that we're covering. We had to pretend like we were drunkards walking on their way home. since we're supposedly drunk, I had my groupmate's hand on my elbow and his other hand on my other groupmate's elbow, supporting each other because we could hardly walk. this position makes our heads inches from each other. My teacher would say "freeze" and we had to hold our position for a few seconds so she could judge which group did it convincingly. We were actually winning the activity but for some reason My teacher made us hold our position for a little longer, and I could sense that she was testing how much we could stay "frozen".
she was deliberately delaying the activity like she was waiting something to happened. and something did happen. my groupmate made a gagging reflex like he would vomit or something. everybody laughed including me because I was not aware yet of my BB and I thought he was just being his goofy self. Now I know my teacher did that on purpose...
that is sick! she's scary...
oneday4800
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Post by oneday4800 »

I promise one day that memory wont bother you as much. I know how you feel becuz i felt that wheb i first started looking back. I believe in karma. It was this guy who told me i should kill myself cuz of my bb
.few months later a close friend of his was killed. I hope he felt just as bad as he made me feel. He was so mean.i didnt do anything. I was talking to his friend and he just walked up to me and said that! Ugh. Anyway, pm me if u ever need someone to talk to. Memories suck but theres way to stop then once you practice.
thanatos
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Post by thanatos »

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Last edited by thanatos on Fri Jan 17, 2014 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Ihatemybreath
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Post by Ihatemybreath »

momoko13 wrote:thanks for the advice oneday. I try not to dwell on those bad memories too much but sometimes you can't help but feel shattered. I thought I was a nice person and had friends but recently the flashbacks that I've been getting are breaking my heart.

One time in class, we performed an activity where we needed to act out a scene from the story that we're covering. We had to pretend like we were drunkards walking on their way home. since we're supposedly drunk, I had my groupmate's hand on my elbow and his other hand on my other groupmate's elbow, supporting each other because we could hardly walk. this position makes our heads inches from each other. My teacher would say "freeze" and we had to hold our position for a few seconds so she could judge which group did it convincingly. We were actually winning the activity but for some reason My teacher made us hold our position for a little longer, and I could sense that she was testing how much we could stay "frozen".
she was deliberately delaying the activity like she was waiting something to happened. and something did happen. my groupmate made a gagging reflex like he would vomit or something. everybody laughed including me because I was not aware yet of my BB and I thought he was just being his goofy self. Now I know my teacher did that on purpose...
that is sick! she's scary...
It's amazing how we can be so innocent when we are not aware of something. Out of sight, out of mind. It's all so normal, so natural, but when you realize that the joke is you, you simply will detonate. I really know how it is. But I prefer the times in which I am aware of my condition and I can save a few noses ... I hate my friends because they never told me, it is as if they are masochists.
thanatos
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Post by thanatos »

Also, "looking back" for me includes looking back at an interaction I just walked away from, suddenly realizing "Oh damn, they were reacting to my breath".
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