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so depressed

Anger management part of the forum :), where you can express anger, sadness, sorrow etc.
Sad girl
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so depressed

Post by Sad girl »

I can't go on like this anymore. I'm having intense insomnia, all I can think of is how to make this humiliating problem GO AWAY. I want to give up, sleep forever, never talk to another person again. I can't stand this disgusting sour shit taste (think it's from tonsil stones) any more, nothing I do makes it go away. I was suicidal for a long time when I was younger, for other reasons, before this began. Now that I've finally decided to live.... this is my ****ing putrid life. I'm sure my past self-destruction has led me to this: my immune system is hurting. I was so alone for sooo long. now I'm with the most wonderful man, but I can't even look him in the eyes when I tell him I love you, because I can't stand to see the look of disgust on his face. This makes it so hard to be close and intimate with someone, I can barely open my mouth to talk to him, & I'm already so ****ing insecure. I am so grateful to have him, for over a year now, but I can't understand how he can find me attractive at all, I am so rancid, I feel no value within myself, no hope for the future. It's like dying of thirst surrounded by an undrinkable ocean, my attraction to him and fear of disgusting him. He must be a ****ing saint to stay with me. I feel like I am going to infect him with whatever is causing this. I want to disappear....give up.


Sad girl
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Post by Sad girl »

Sorry for the pity party, it felt good to vent about it though, I'm so sick of living like this. I'm so grateful for this site, feel much more hopeful reading stories of people who have solved this for themselves, maybe my future doesn't have to be so bleak & full of pain... I just have to be diligent, & keep trying what has worked for others whose problems are like mine. At least I'm pretty sure it's the tonsil stones causing it to be so horrid. For the longest time I couldn't tell where it was originating. Maybe (I hope I hope I hope) I'm finally getting close to healing myself.
oneday4800
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Post by oneday4800 »

We all feel like this at some point i believe. I know im down alot. I honestly think my tongue is the problem. Kinda hard getting rid of the constant gunk. Have you tried having your tonsils removed?
Sad girl
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Post by Sad girl »

oneday4800 wrote:We all feel like this at some point i believe. I know im down alot. I honestly think my tongue is the problem. Kinda hard getting rid of the constant gunk. Have you tried having your tonsils removed?

I haven't had my tonsils removed, but I'm seriously looking into it, now that I think that is my main problem. I thought it was my tongue for a long time too & was focusing on that: my tongue is always white, and usually has a layer of gunk on it, especially in the far back. I use a tongue scraper, but it only helps a tiny bit. When I brush with baking soda or salt, it turns much pinker, but the smell is always there, and the taste of baking soda or salt is very strong, amplified for hours afterwards, along with the bitter nasty taste that is always there. I've read that some people with tonsil stones, after they have their tonsils out their tongue clears up. I think the tonsils are soaking my tongue in nasty saliva, which is why it tastes and smells horrible, and is probably providing a constant stream of nasty bacteria, which is why it's always white, but I don't think my the tongue is the cause of the bad breath anymore. I've known I get tonsil stones for a long time, occasionally I cough up pea-sized stones, but I couldn't see any so I didn't realize they are always there still. My breath tastes and smells like the tonsil stones: ****ing disgusting, and when I touch my tonsils with my finger, the saliva on them smells awful, so I'm sure that's the source. After researching more, last night I tried flushing them out with salt water with a bulb-syringe. About 20-30 tiny stones came out, I was shocked at how many. I'm sure there are still more, since the taste is still there, but it is hard to flush them, my tonsils are actually very small, and finding the holes/crypts with the plastic tip made them bleed a little. I'm going to get a waterpik to improve my situation, since it would be easier not having to refill so often and find the holes again. But I don't see this as a permanent solution: it's painful and difficult, makes me gag.

There doesn't seem to be any clear consensus on what causes them, some say cutting out dairy helps, some say it makes no difference. I've heard dairy, sugar, wheat, meat or high protein diet MAY contribute to their formation, so that leaves only vegetables. I'm so desperate though I'm ready to try changing my diet to only veggies, see if that helps. I'm ready to just have them out, but I'm in my early 30s and it will be very painful/long healing process, and I have no health insurance. I'm reluctant because some have had them out & it did not work, somehow they still get tonsil stones, or still have bb, but I'm willing to give it a shot, even if it's expensive and I end up with a bunch of debt, I'm so tired of living like this. I'm going to get an appointment with an ENT asap, to consult about tonsillectomy, maybe try antibiotics first.

Do you have your tonsils, and do you have tonsil stones? Like I said, I think focusing on my tongue for so long has distracted me from the real cause, and thus finding a real solution, and I had no idea I had so many tiny stones that were hidden. Maybe it is not your tongue. Sorry this is so long, wanted to give you some background so you could see if yours sounds similar, maybe we can help each other.
halitosisux
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Post by halitosisux »

Sorry to hear your story. I'm also sorry to tell you that I don't know of a single person on this forum who cured their BB by removing their tonsils.

The tonsil smell and the stones are a result of what is happening on your tongue, not vice-versa. I say this with near-total certainty, based on my own experience of having had my tonsils removed, and of reading the experiences of others who did too.

Some people can even have tonsil stones without having any bad breath. It can occur temporarily during throat infections when gunk builds up on the tongue, and then as that gunk-coated tongue continually scrapes past the crypts of the tonsils from swallowing etc, the gunk then gradually starts to fill the crypts. After a few hours that sickly liquid then calcifies like the plaque does on your teeth, into those shit-balls we know as stones.

As tempted as you will feel to remove them, please don't do it until you have at least tried ways to improve your situation first. There are many examples in the forum where a change of diet and methods to control bacterial activity in the mouth have reduced or even eliminated the formation of the stones altogether in some cases.
Sad girl
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Post by Sad girl »

That is very depressing... I feel like I have tried everything to improve my tongue to no avail, I thought I was getting closer to finding a solution. Thank you for sharing this with me though, I certainly don't want to waste a ton of money on a dead end.

Can I ask, did removing your tonsils improve your breath at all, even slightly? I feel like mine are accumulating and holding so much stench, if they were gone it would have to be a little better. I have found some posts on other forums where people have said removing their tonsils was the best decision they could have made, that it made such a difference in their breath, and their tongue improved afterward. I suppose it's possible that their tonsils had some kind of persistent or undetected infection. I'm sorry it didn't work for you.

It does make sense that the crypts accumulate junk from the coating on the tongue. I saw a dentist about the white tongue... and she said it was normal?!? If normal means she has seen many people with this problem, ok then, but I certainly know my tongue is not healthy, and it wasn't this way until a few years ago. I don't know what to do... doctors are no help.
halitosisux
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Post by halitosisux »

I think in general that those people who claimed immediate benefit from tonsillectomy mostly turned out to be on antibiotics to assist with their healing, which temporarily reduced their BB. Please accept I may be completely wrong though. I may be wrong about everything I say. There is so little we know with total certainty about this subject. Like everyone else, we mostly go by what we learn and try to piece together from fellow sufferers.

We have ONE godsend who is on this forum, Dr. Aydinmur, who is genuinely trying to help people with this problem and further each other's understanding.

I will try to reply to more of what you've asked in more detail later on because I'm outa time..
oneday4800
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Post by oneday4800 »

What have you tried to get rid of the BB? BreathRx tongue spray helps me a little. I dont really like the mouthwash. Maybe you can try that if u haven't? I dont have insurance either btw. We're limited to the things we should /need to do.
halitosisux
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Post by halitosisux »

Sad girl, at the time when I had my tonsils removed, I had other dental issues which turned out to be causing a stench in my mouth, which I had no idea about at the time. So when I had my tonsils out it made no difference to me whatsoever, except for the fact that when I moved my throat muscles around and/or breathed through my nose at the same time, I couldn't taste as much of the awfulness in my throat.

Tonsillectomy helped me a tiny amount. On days when I used to clean my tonsils out, it helped reduce things to the same level as what a tonsillectomy managed to achieve. For me the only nice thing was that I never saw another tonsil stone again.

About white tongues - it depends what is over-growing. White tongues are mostly a combination of dead cells on the end of the tiny papillae, bacterial biofilm (like the plaque on your teeth), species of microorganisms like bacteria and fungi, and oral debris. We all have each of these components, but if any of these is present in excessive amounts, then the problem of bad breath can arise.

So when a doctor sees a white tongue, they will be able to tell whether it's abnormal fungal overgrowth, for example, or whether it's accumulated gunk from general lack of health and dehydration etc, or whether it's just a normal layer of mostly dead cells. It depends on WHAT the coating is, and if your doctor says it's normal, then that means it is "normal" - even though you might be suffering with bad breath. It's possible to suffer with bad breath coming from the tongue even with a clean looking pink tongue.
Pinkyrose
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Re: so depressed

Post by Pinkyrose »

Removing my tonsils made my breath much worse. I expected an improvement if not a total cure. I never considered that no difference could be a possibility much less that my bad breath would get much more intense. I don't think there is a cure for the kind of bad breath I have now.
searching_for_acure2
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Re: so depressed

Post by searching_for_acure2 »

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I had tonsil stones and had my tonsils removed. Unfortunately, that only got rid of the tonsil stones. Try to see if changing your diet will get rid of the tonsil stones. If it does, maybe the tonsillectomy will work for you. If it doesn't you may need to further investigate to see what is causing them.

I believe that my tonsil stones were caused by silent reflux from my stomach at night. I now have a GI dr and a functional dr. So far I have gotten treatment for h.pylori, reflux, and now SIBO. I am doing an antibiotic treatment for SIBO now and my bb is gone (hopefully for good!).
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