Be careful with your Colleagues

[focused]

Hi All,

Just wanted to share a recent incident happened to me. Although i think every1 in my team knows about my bb but still nobody questioned me..few days back some of them went for lunch... as it was very informal one so i avoided it....i thought nobody will pay much attention....but now i understand the mistake i made....as i was not with them during lunch...they must have gossiped about me and since then they are asking me wierd questions... when i am in office i literally feel like crying....these days are becoming really very tough for me...as i dont talk much with any one so whenever someone meets me or see me..i get a feeling that they must be thinking about the gossips...


Otherwise the are very humble but whenever they ask this question of not having lunch with them ...i just make up some excuse...
I have one option..as i am little senior to them shall i strictly ask them "do u have any problem?" or shall i just smile and give random answer which they know is wrong.. i hope my rude answer should not blow this matter out of proportion...

I am so frustrated......thanks to this forum.. i feel better.
btw what do u think...shall i answer back strictly....what should i do if they again go for team lunch???? if i go they may ask we why i never came before...these thoughts have so much occupied my mind that i have lost the initial enthusiasm to fight against bb.

My suggestion: you may avoid our friends but dont avoid your Colleagues as it is with them you have to spend a major part of day.

[CNS]

Hi focused,

Why don't you try going along with them for lunch? Especially if you have to work with them as a team, it'll be good to join them and get to know them better, otherwise they might mistake you as being aloof. The fact that they tried to ask you along for lunch is something positive, and maybe they didn't even detect your BB?

What weird questions did they ask that made you think they must have gossiped about you? I think for BB sufferers, sometimes we may be overly-sensitive although we can't help it.

[Prince]

Hii focused!!
I had the same problem and this is what i did
One morning i came to work and said to all my colleagues that yesterday the doctor told me that i was sick and had problem with my stomick. I told them that the doctor said maybe i will not get better and that i have a serious problem with my stomick, i lied to them. Since that day until today they have never showed me a sign of my bb and they talk to me like normal people. I think you have to lie to them that you are sick and feeling bad so they will accept your bb. And i promise you i feel much better now because i can talk to them without any problem and they dont let me feel bad about my bb, they understand you more now. If you dont tell them you are sick they will start wondering that you are dirty or that you never bruches your teeth same problem i had. When you tell them that you are sick, after that you will feel much much better to talk to them because you know that they will think like: ok that guys bb comes from his stomick and not his mouth


Sorry for my english

[deebo]

Focused .
what Prince did is sort of what I did too . Telling 1 co-worker that I have a condition that causes symptoms including bb. For me this doesn't stop the weirdness between me and other co-workers but I think it opens the door to later explanations and questions .

If they are genuinely asking you to lunch , I take it they are not driven away by your breath . Consider going to lunch . If they ask why you didn't go last time , it should only be the once.

[seanlee1980]

Bad breath prevents me from doing my job at a higher level. I can't provide feedback, speak my mind, tell people they are wrong when they are...thus making me look like a fool. How many times are you at a meeting and you want to speak so bad, but you just keep quiet. It's very frustrating at the work place as colleagues get praises and promotions while you are just worrying about how to get through the day without anyone smelling you.

[jen]

Sharing meals with colleagues is one major problem for me. We are always going away as a team to other towns where we stay in hotels. I always try to eat alone which naturally makes me an outcast.

The mere idea of having to sit close to people and eating with them gives me nightmares. I have no choice but to avoid eating with them, my bb is horrible. They don't ask me any questions and do not put me on the spot, but we all know ...

[Busted]

I remember the person sitting opposite of me decided to sit somewhere else. That really sucked

[focused]

Hi All,

Thanks for your suggestions..In the past three days I went with them on different occasions. Although I preferred to speak very less ...all in all it was good. At least it saved me from the embarrassment when we meet after lunch

I am trying to mix up with them and will go for movie also if they ask(I have avoided this in past.)


But you know what...going for movie and all seems easy but it is very uncomfortable going for lunch as it is awkward to keep quiet for so long..also the person sitting next to you may get bored

[deebo]

Hi All,

Thanks for your suggestions..In the past three days I went with them on different occasions. Although I preferred to speak very less ...all in all it was good. At least it saved me from the embarrassment when we meet after lunch

sounds like step to success Focused . You are getting over your phobia . Keep it up

[focused]

Well well everything was going normal in my life. These two days were very horrible. yesterday my team went for a movie and i was not even invited. I know the reason was not becoz of bb. The invitations were sent by the same girl who had arranged the last team lunch,which I didnt attend. so obviusly she skipped me. i felt so dejected...even newbies to our project were invited and one of the fella asked me if I was coming....hell i just lied to him....

today another girl came to me and asked me why i didnt came yesterday.....my colleagues sitting beside me knew i wasn't even invited. I felt so embarrassed...i just said i had some other work....i really felt like crying out...


Mind you I am not oversensitive...due to bb i have to do many things which i would have never thought of.....it is not easy to join them if i am not invited...they were doing all the planning etc..without considering me....


PLZ NOTE THAT THE TREATMENT I GOT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF BB BUT BECAUSE THEY ASSUME THAT I LIKE TO BE LEFT ALONE...


there are people in my team who were not even invited once.mind you they dont have bb.i realised that its not bb but its my constant NO NO makes them skip me for any program.




I know people can be nice to me because my nature is good. Its just that my current team thinks i am wierd....I am thinking of looking for other job...i will definitely socialise there.


I hope following tips will definitely help you coz i have learned them hard way:

1. Be kind to people. The chances of people liking you will be more.
2. Whatever be your profession..excel in it..I dont want to preach..but believe me I am very strong in my work area hence i have that respect in my team.
3. No need to say brush,floss blah blah..we know enough...But pay attention to your personality...Always groom yourself nicely so that people will not think that you have dirty habits.
4. Make yourself physically strong. the chances of you getting bullied will be less. The person will think twice before commenting.

thats all i wanted to share...hope that helps...

PS: Sharing my feeling here made me relaxed . I was on the verge of crying in office today.

[deebo]

Focused . Your issue is about halitophobia as you stated that its not about BB . For this reason I would say that you don't need to leave your current job but just assess what you are doing to seem 'weird' to your co-workers and try improving on those things .

When you say they don't consider you , I think this is not completely true . If they think you are the guy who doesn't want to go ,they Are considering you . By default it sounds like you would be invited to these things but after you turning them down many times they consider your feelings and dont bother you . If you would like to be included this time, you should tell them .

Its very easy to create mental drama and blow things out of realistic proportion by speculating . If this is your habit now, what makes you think you will be different at your next job ? You should take a month and slowly make friends at this job . If you plan to leave anyway , there is no harm in you making friends at this job now .

'Skunkhugs' bb/bo support chat on skype

[Tibya]

Focused, please do not leave your current job. Getting a new one with bb is not easy. We bb sufferes have to lie a lot. I did this in my past job. In any meeting, I would be sitting dumb, so my ex-manager started having meeting with me alone probably just to make me open my mouth to speak and there you go, he had to cover his nose and he literally moved his chair backwards. With few more meetings, he knew. So after that he would always keep his chair at far away, and since he was polite, he just said, he has allergy's and does not want it to spread it to me. I quit after few months.
Do you think it will be easy to go for interviews with bb? Its not easy and it doesn't hurt being nice to people around you.
If the new girl asked why you did not join for lunch, just tell her the truth that you weren't invited. Deebo's idea is good. Just let everyone know that you have some health issues and the doctor said there is no cure. Stay in your current job, please!!! Do not quit like I did.