Life

[lolla123]

I was just thinking to myself, I was thinking that I don’t want this problem to take overboard my life, I was thinking of just how young I am and how lucky I am to have opportunities going for me. I am only 20, I have undertook a course this year to be able to study at university this September and I am thinking of deferring my entry till next year now only because of this problem... it is not fair, and it doesn’t even help saying it’s not fair but it makes me really think, how long am I going to let this get in the way of what I aspire in my life? And to what extent? It doesn’t help that I love company and I love being able to help people, my choice of study would be psychology... and I guess i’d need Some help with that myself heh.. but it’s what I want to do, all I want is to help people see the best in them, recognise that it gets better whichever situation they’re in and friends do come to for help whenever they need emotional help with dealing with their feelings or what not and I love it, despite the madness i’m Going through I love being able to help them and seeing them smile and laugh and be happy... it’s all I want... I want to make people happy or at least happier than they are, I want to work in situations where i’d Need to be close up with people and show physical affection and support which unfortunately with bb doesn’t come too easily, but I can’t help it, I can’t see myself doing anything else. I was also thinking of how easy I have it compared to some others on this website and outside, I have read some stories on here that have truly made me tear up and feel kind of better about myself to be honest, there are countless stories on here about people that are harassed everyday at work, just because of their bb which I know is something we can’t help, and it gets worse and worse especially for people with nasal bb as far as I am aware I don’t suffer from that... yet at least... and I can’t imagine what people with TMAU (was watching videos of reactions and stories about it on YouTube) and odours from outside the mouth go through, it must be a thousand times worse, so I think to myself how can I even complain about mine? When I don’t get obvious reactions everyday, when it seems to be only a close up issue for now which still is so frustrating to say the least, like most if not all I have had some very low points, this issue gives me anxiety to no end and it’s not nearly as bad as some others... and it makes me think that I should give it a go at life, that it’s unfair to the people that suffer ten times fold more than I do, I have to give it a shot at uni at life in general, I don’t want to watch my life crumble because of this, I might never find a cure, it might even get worse, I want to be realistic about this, and if that happens life won’t stop, it will still happen... and to know that I haven’t done my best to make the best out of this situation... it will kill me even more... or I might find a cure down the line after 30 years of suffering and honestly i’d Rather be in a job where I genuinely enjoy myself rather than be stuck somewhere because I let my bb affect me to the point of being scared to live... it’s hard, we all know it’s so hard... but I want to live... I don’t want to barely survive and it’s easier said than done when you’re in a room full of people making conversation and the anxiety fills you up to the core because you know you suffer from something that most of humanity would shun you for but... this isn’t living... so I don’t know I guess the point of this post is to just put my thoughts into words out there and hopefully if anyone else feels the same maybe get them thinking anencephaly opening up... my inbox is open as i said I love helping and even just listening and talking about this issue, as I am going through it myself it’d Be great for me as well... I really hope we can all find a solution or at the very least a way to not let this overtake our lives... best of luck to everyone