Should I bring my BB up with my new girlfriend
Should I bring my BB up with my new girlfriend
I think I must have good karma or something because I managed to meet a girl and not repel her with my BB, instead impressing her enough to where she is now my girlfriend. I'm not stupid, I know she can smell my breath, but her reactions are very subtle or non-existent. I have hinted at her before that I am sensitive but never started a real convo about it. I want to tell her that I know about it and that I'm trying to control it. I want her to know why I might be self-conscious sometimes in social situations. Anyone that's gone through this got any advice for me?
Eric how long have you two dated? If not too long then just wait a bit longer and in the mean time try the baking soda/water solution that Mindyb talks about and see how she reacts to this. If you see a good reaction and this makes you feel more confident about yourself then go ahead and talk about it but keep it short and simple do not go on too long.
Re: Should I bring my BB up with my new girlfriend
Greetings Eric,
This situation is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, it's like damned if you do, damned if you don't. Just from my experience at work and among people I know the less brutal option for you is to pretend you don't know you have bad breath though you do. Most people try to be nice and courteous to others, and so will put up with a certain amount of inappropriateness (whether it be anti-social behavior, rudeness, dirty jokes, bad breath etc.) as long as they believe you're unaware of its inappropriateness. They'll talk smack about you when you're not around for sure, but at least they'll be nice to your face.
But if they detect any inkling or hint of weakness or awareness that you know about your problem people can become downright hostile and just plain cruel. Open rudeness to you will be the rule of the day.
This girl is no different. If you make yourself unaware, if she can put up with it she will til she feels she knows you well enough to mention it. But if you tell her off the bat, it will give her the excuse to stop getting intimate with you (since you obviously know about the problem it takes any guilt off her shoulders). Eventually you'll become distant by force of habit and there goes your relationship.
I say wait till she mentions it to you formally. Then you can confess it's something you struggle with but can't beat. If she can handle that answer she won't leave you. If she can't she'll find an excuse to leave sooner or later.
This situation is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, it's like damned if you do, damned if you don't. Just from my experience at work and among people I know the less brutal option for you is to pretend you don't know you have bad breath though you do. Most people try to be nice and courteous to others, and so will put up with a certain amount of inappropriateness (whether it be anti-social behavior, rudeness, dirty jokes, bad breath etc.) as long as they believe you're unaware of its inappropriateness. They'll talk smack about you when you're not around for sure, but at least they'll be nice to your face.
But if they detect any inkling or hint of weakness or awareness that you know about your problem people can become downright hostile and just plain cruel. Open rudeness to you will be the rule of the day.
This girl is no different. If you make yourself unaware, if she can put up with it she will til she feels she knows you well enough to mention it. But if you tell her off the bat, it will give her the excuse to stop getting intimate with you (since you obviously know about the problem it takes any guilt off her shoulders). Eventually you'll become distant by force of habit and there goes your relationship.
I say wait till she mentions it to you formally. Then you can confess it's something you struggle with but can't beat. If she can handle that answer she won't leave you. If she can't she'll find an excuse to leave sooner or later.
Yeah I have the same tactic: don't bring it up until she does. If she does, tell her the reason why ('some ****ing bacteria'), and that you're trying to sort it out.
If you tell her too early you'll probably crush her ideal of you as the sassy ideal that she wants. If you don't mention it, she might just see the bb as a bit of rough, but nothing major.
If you tell her too early you'll probably crush her ideal of you as the sassy ideal that she wants. If you don't mention it, she might just see the bb as a bit of rough, but nothing major.
Thank you guys for that advice, makes a lot of sense. Especially the bit about people being civil to your face if you pretend not to know.
I kind of half-way brought it up with her tonight and got the old, "You don't have a breath problem, stop worrying." So either its minimal enough to be bearable once you get used to it, or more likely, she is lying to not hurt me. I think I'm just going to ride it out and enjoy it for as long as it lasts, bad breath be damned. I felt so alive with her today. I'm not going to let my paranoia ruin this prematurely.
I kind of half-way brought it up with her tonight and got the old, "You don't have a breath problem, stop worrying." So either its minimal enough to be bearable once you get used to it, or more likely, she is lying to not hurt me. I think I'm just going to ride it out and enjoy it for as long as it lasts, bad breath be damned. I felt so alive with her today. I'm not going to let my paranoia ruin this prematurely.
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daveparker
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We broke up today, even though I had managed to find a girl that didn't mind my breath she wasn't right for me in a lot of other ways and my aversion to social situations and meeting new people caused a lot of fights. I probably won't have a girlfriend or get laid for a very long time. I probably should have stuck with her and sucked it up. But there is a bit of pride in me and I don't feel like she was right for me. I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees.
I really want to find a girl that has chronic BB.
Life with BB sucks, the way a room goes quiet when you walk in, the reactions, the confused stares. Its really messing with me bad. I love everybody on here, you fellow sufferers are part of the reason I don't end it.
I really want to find a girl that has chronic BB.
Life with BB sucks, the way a room goes quiet when you walk in, the reactions, the confused stares. Its really messing with me bad. I love everybody on here, you fellow sufferers are part of the reason I don't end it.