hi everyone - having a rough night and hopefully i'll find some comfort in talking here.
i'm just feeling the kind of loneliness that bb isolates me. the kind of isolation that makes me feel trapped in my body with this odor. for the longest time i somehow was able to block this problem out to a certain extent. so even tho' i was always bothered by it, it didn't really get to me to the deepest core of my being. even tho' i have always desperately looked for solutions, it's like a part of me was in denial of its effect on me because it knew that to acknowledge this problem 100% would mean total emotional devastation.
now, after years of semi-numbness, the desperation is breaking through to the forefront of my consciousness. it's like i can't hide from the problem anymore and something in me is forcing me to confront this issue. so i've had a few days in the last month where i'd bawl my eyes out from the despair and angst that i feel over this.
also i just started a new relationship a while ago, and i feel like my bb is ruiniing it. my deep insecurites because of it, the silence about it, the avoidance of this problem - is seeping into other areas in the relationship. i've witnessed myself ruin so many relationships because of my issues with intimacy due to bb, i just can't stand to do it once more, especially because this is someone i have very strong feelings about. i see myself sabotaging it in other areas - and finally have come to realize that it's my defense mechanism to ruin relationships because i didn't want to admit that the bb was causing the problems.
i'm sick of this. i think i need to talk to him about it. but i have never talked to ANYONE about it, not even my own famil, not even my therapist. i'm sick of dealing with it alone and projecting that hurt i feel to people i love. he must have smelled my breath by now. in fact i'm almost certain about that because of his changing body language. i know that he loves me, and maybe it is still a risk that telling him would mean losing him. but i don't see any alternatives. maybe he won't leave and will stick by me and for once, i'll actually have someone supporting me on my quest to find a cure. instead of doing this in shameful secrecy.
and i know that the longer i wait, the more damage it will do to our relationship. can those of you who have talked about it to loved ones or family share your experience? i could use some support about having this discussion with people in my life. i can't do it alone anymore.
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talking to loved ones
hi.
I know how hard it is and how frustrating it is to keep the problem locked up inside but you should know that I have finally found the courage to talk about my problem openly and nothing bad has happened to me. in other words, I haven't been laughed at, or stoned at, etc. Infact I would say only good things have happened... and I believe the same will be for you, and anyone else with bb for that matter. Keeping everything bottled up inside will only wear you down. I have been suffering from bb for many years now and have hidden it from everyone, including my family.
I have a close cousin who is like my best friend. One day i finally found the courage to talk to him about it. He is the first person i confessed to that i had a halitosis problem. And believe me it wasn't easy. In the end however it all came out... how i've been suffering all these years, how i've been desperately ashamed and hiding it from everyone, and quite simply, how it's been ruining/traumatizing my whole freakin life. This my friend, was like a breath of new life. The one thing that's been eating my life up has been finally unleashed to the world. It wasn't something i had to fight on my own. the secret was out and it was no longer pent up in me. I had shared my "dirty, little secret".
Does that magically cure bb? no. But atleast you don't have to feel like you want to commit s*****e b/c of the problem. It is something you want to vent but cannnot because of the nature of the beast itself. But i'm telling you now that it NEEDS to come out. You can't keep it to yourself forever. DON'T BE SCARED! You have a right to live your life and and while bb is ruining our lives, keeping it hidden is like letting BB destroy it completely.
I have a g/f (luckily she is someone who i've commited to before my bb became horrendously uncontrollable) and i have told her about my problem after around 2 1/2 years of being together. She and my cousin are the only two who know. And even though in all honesty I don't bring the topic up much to them, atleast they KNOW and i now have a shoulder (or 2) to lean on through this hardship.
I think you should definitely find one of your closest mates to pour out this burden upon. They will listen and they will sympathize. I promise you that! unless they have a heart of a devil of course but i'm sure they don't if they are that close to you. As for your b/f. You should tell him when you feel like he will be ready to hear it. For me it took over 2 yrs to realize my g/f is here for me through thick and thin and thus i begin thinking ways to tell her.
Good luck and God bless.
I know how hard it is and how frustrating it is to keep the problem locked up inside but you should know that I have finally found the courage to talk about my problem openly and nothing bad has happened to me. in other words, I haven't been laughed at, or stoned at, etc. Infact I would say only good things have happened... and I believe the same will be for you, and anyone else with bb for that matter. Keeping everything bottled up inside will only wear you down. I have been suffering from bb for many years now and have hidden it from everyone, including my family.
I have a close cousin who is like my best friend. One day i finally found the courage to talk to him about it. He is the first person i confessed to that i had a halitosis problem. And believe me it wasn't easy. In the end however it all came out... how i've been suffering all these years, how i've been desperately ashamed and hiding it from everyone, and quite simply, how it's been ruining/traumatizing my whole freakin life. This my friend, was like a breath of new life. The one thing that's been eating my life up has been finally unleashed to the world. It wasn't something i had to fight on my own. the secret was out and it was no longer pent up in me. I had shared my "dirty, little secret".
Does that magically cure bb? no. But atleast you don't have to feel like you want to commit s*****e b/c of the problem. It is something you want to vent but cannnot because of the nature of the beast itself. But i'm telling you now that it NEEDS to come out. You can't keep it to yourself forever. DON'T BE SCARED! You have a right to live your life and and while bb is ruining our lives, keeping it hidden is like letting BB destroy it completely.
I have a g/f (luckily she is someone who i've commited to before my bb became horrendously uncontrollable) and i have told her about my problem after around 2 1/2 years of being together. She and my cousin are the only two who know. And even though in all honesty I don't bring the topic up much to them, atleast they KNOW and i now have a shoulder (or 2) to lean on through this hardship.
I think you should definitely find one of your closest mates to pour out this burden upon. They will listen and they will sympathize. I promise you that! unless they have a heart of a devil of course but i'm sure they don't if they are that close to you. As for your b/f. You should tell him when you feel like he will be ready to hear it. For me it took over 2 yrs to realize my g/f is here for me through thick and thin and thus i begin thinking ways to tell her.
Good luck and God bless.
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waitingforrelief
- Sheriff
- Posts: 424
- Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2007 4:21 am
dukpoki,
thank you so much for sharing. i undersatnd what you're saying - i know that my friends wouldn't reject me. it's just my own embarrassment and pride that's at stake. i'm pretty sure other people have already noticed anyway, it's just that no one has said a single word to me.
i don't expect to be magically cured, but i'd like to keep getting well in all aspects with a partner. i don't feel ready ot talk to my friends about it yet, but i really want to share it with my bf. i just can't let bb ruin yet another relationship - this time one that i truly care about! but i don't want to let it be damaged anymore than what it has already done the short time that we've been together...
thank you again for not making me feel alone. i really appreciate it.
thank you so much for sharing. i undersatnd what you're saying - i know that my friends wouldn't reject me. it's just my own embarrassment and pride that's at stake. i'm pretty sure other people have already noticed anyway, it's just that no one has said a single word to me.
i don't expect to be magically cured, but i'd like to keep getting well in all aspects with a partner. i don't feel ready ot talk to my friends about it yet, but i really want to share it with my bf. i just can't let bb ruin yet another relationship - this time one that i truly care about! but i don't want to let it be damaged anymore than what it has already done the short time that we've been together...
thank you again for not making me feel alone. i really appreciate it.
waitingforrelief,
Here is something to consider. If your breath was so tremendously bad, your current boyfriend or ex-boyfriends would not even have asked you out in the first place. Sometimes brooding about it makes it worse than it is. This guy is in your life, you have strong feelings for him and he has never expressed hesitation while kissing you. Talk to him about your problem.
I have been with my fiance for almost 4 years. I remember he was the first person I really talked to regarding my BB. This was just 3 weeks after we started dating. He was suprised and said he never smelled anything. He said if I was smelly, he would never have been with me. I wasn't surprised because since the age of 13, I have perfected the art of speaking without exhaling at the same time. For those of you with BB, it cuts down the smell by 90%. It is so sad, I want to cry, but this is how I have prevented my BB from being noticed by others. Sometimes when my breath is especially bad, despite this technique, people still turn their heads or rub their noses. Anyway, back to my point. It was a huge relief to talk to my then boyfriend, now fiance. I can now talk to him normally. Occasionaly, he does let me know if he feels like my breath is bad.
Try it with your boyfriend. I must also tell you that none of the guys I have been with have complained about my breath. I really believe in the theory that once you are together, the person in your life gets used to your smell, whether it is BB or body odor. There is no other way I can explain talking to my fiance, 4 inches from his face and he doesn't flinch and I turn to talk to a friend sitting 2 feet away and she rubs her nose.
Here is something to consider. If your breath was so tremendously bad, your current boyfriend or ex-boyfriends would not even have asked you out in the first place. Sometimes brooding about it makes it worse than it is. This guy is in your life, you have strong feelings for him and he has never expressed hesitation while kissing you. Talk to him about your problem.
I have been with my fiance for almost 4 years. I remember he was the first person I really talked to regarding my BB. This was just 3 weeks after we started dating. He was suprised and said he never smelled anything. He said if I was smelly, he would never have been with me. I wasn't surprised because since the age of 13, I have perfected the art of speaking without exhaling at the same time. For those of you with BB, it cuts down the smell by 90%. It is so sad, I want to cry, but this is how I have prevented my BB from being noticed by others. Sometimes when my breath is especially bad, despite this technique, people still turn their heads or rub their noses. Anyway, back to my point. It was a huge relief to talk to my then boyfriend, now fiance. I can now talk to him normally. Occasionaly, he does let me know if he feels like my breath is bad.
Try it with your boyfriend. I must also tell you that none of the guys I have been with have complained about my breath. I really believe in the theory that once you are together, the person in your life gets used to your smell, whether it is BB or body odor. There is no other way I can explain talking to my fiance, 4 inches from his face and he doesn't flinch and I turn to talk to a friend sitting 2 feet away and she rubs her nose.
Wow, this is one technique I'd love to know. Please share with us how you do that.oneway wrote:
I wasn't surprised because since the age of 13, I have perfected the art of speaking without exhaling at the same time. For those of you with BB, it cuts down the smell by 90%. It is so sad, I want to cry, but this is how I have prevented my BB from being noticed by others. nose.
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waitingforrelief
- Sheriff
- Posts: 424
- Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2007 4:21 am
well it's the same with me, oneway - nobody who's been with me had complained about the breath. however, one time someone mentioned that he liked my smell, and my breath... (i think it was meant as "even" my breath. but i idnd't want to confront the issue and didn't talk about it.)
part of the time i've been with my current bf, the salivarius was working well. so there were times when i ALMOST didn't feel it in the way between us. we have a long distance relationship, so this issue is only an issue when we do see each other. but the kissing - not only has he not expressed hesitation in kissing me - he wants me to kiss him. but i don't want to. because i don't want to give him my breath. i've had different partners where some would not be affected by my breath at all, and some would be affected instantly - probably due to their different mouth flora environments. so now i just don't want to do it anymore. but in order to let him know why i can't kiss him, i have to talk about this problem...
i do want to talk to him about it tho'. i'm not quite ready yet but i feel lik i'll have to. how do you guys handle intimacy issues? do you have trouble sitting close to your SO, looking them in the eye facing them when you are talking to them close up, etc.?
how do you cope?
thanks, oneway for your supportive post.
part of the time i've been with my current bf, the salivarius was working well. so there were times when i ALMOST didn't feel it in the way between us. we have a long distance relationship, so this issue is only an issue when we do see each other. but the kissing - not only has he not expressed hesitation in kissing me - he wants me to kiss him. but i don't want to. because i don't want to give him my breath. i've had different partners where some would not be affected by my breath at all, and some would be affected instantly - probably due to their different mouth flora environments. so now i just don't want to do it anymore. but in order to let him know why i can't kiss him, i have to talk about this problem...
i do want to talk to him about it tho'. i'm not quite ready yet but i feel lik i'll have to. how do you guys handle intimacy issues? do you have trouble sitting close to your SO, looking them in the eye facing them when you are talking to them close up, etc.?
how do you cope?
thanks, oneway for your supportive post.
jess,
Hold your hand in front of your mouth and speak. You can feel the force of the air that you exhale when it hits your hand. Now speak without exhaling. You will feel the difference in the amount of air expelled. There might be a small burst of air for every "p" and "t" you pronounce, other than that you might not feel the force of your breath. Try speaking like this until it sounds natural. You don't have to suck in air and hold your breath, just don't exhale when you speak. This has what has helped me live a normal life because if you speak this way, your BB is not the first thing people will notice about you.
Hold your hand in front of your mouth and speak. You can feel the force of the air that you exhale when it hits your hand. Now speak without exhaling. You will feel the difference in the amount of air expelled. There might be a small burst of air for every "p" and "t" you pronounce, other than that you might not feel the force of your breath. Try speaking like this until it sounds natural. You don't have to suck in air and hold your breath, just don't exhale when you speak. This has what has helped me live a normal life because if you speak this way, your BB is not the first thing people will notice about you.
Woah that's pretty cool, to be able to speak without exhaling. 
You don't get any reactions at all??
Do u mean u have to talk a bit more quietly so that you won't expell more amount of air?? I mean what if someone told you to yell at someone, how do u deal with it then??
When I talk quietly, it is like sometimes that people do not notice my breath, but then they tell me to speak louder, because they can't hear me, and when I do so, I usually get a reaction from them. Extremely annoying cause people tend to think that it's in your personality that you're shy, but the only thing you're shy about is that others with notice your bad breath.
You don't get any reactions at all??
Do u mean u have to talk a bit more quietly so that you won't expell more amount of air?? I mean what if someone told you to yell at someone, how do u deal with it then??
When I talk quietly, it is like sometimes that people do not notice my breath, but then they tell me to speak louder, because they can't hear me, and when I do so, I usually get a reaction from them. Extremely annoying cause people tend to think that it's in your personality that you're shy, but the only thing you're shy about is that others with notice your bad breath.
Busted,
You will still exhale some air. Just hold your hand in front of your mouth as you speak. Try it when you speak normally and try it when you are speaking without exhaling. You can feel the difference in the amount of air that comes out of your mouth. Even if you speak without blowing out air, there will be a small amount of air exhaled and that is normal. I reckon that if you don't exhale as much air as your normally do, your BB will get dispersed faster. This reduces the possibilities of any embarrasments.
I have been around people that had halitosis so bad that it formed a cloud around you. I was always tempted to teach these people how to speak without blowing out much air. It really helps. Practice makes perfect.
You will still exhale some air. Just hold your hand in front of your mouth as you speak. Try it when you speak normally and try it when you are speaking without exhaling. You can feel the difference in the amount of air that comes out of your mouth. Even if you speak without blowing out air, there will be a small amount of air exhaled and that is normal. I reckon that if you don't exhale as much air as your normally do, your BB will get dispersed faster. This reduces the possibilities of any embarrasments.
I have been around people that had halitosis so bad that it formed a cloud around you. I was always tempted to teach these people how to speak without blowing out much air. It really helps. Practice makes perfect.
HELLO,
i just have too say i totally understand everything you are all going through, i suffer from the same problem and have managed to isolate myself for years now, i am in a relationship and my partner has noticed my bb, i finally managed to tell him about my worries after a year and a half of being together, and it was a lot easier then i imagined, i didnt go into full detail, but after he noticed my breath was bad and told me, i told him how much i was worrying about it and that i've tried so many things to get rid of it, i also explained that its not a matter of hygiene as most people think it is, i brush my teeth 4 times a day. it is very depressing sometimes, but we just have to deal with it the best way we can untill there is some kind of cure.
i find it really helps to use a toung scrapper and mouthwash and eat regular meals 3 times a day, i also wont go anywhere without chewing gum and i always pop one in before i'm about to talk to someone, you also learn how to keep a distance from people, i never stand too close to a person and take a step back before speaking, its awlful i know, but thats the only way i personally can deal with this problem. i really feel for every one of you, i know how hard it is to deal with, but dont give up on life we have to live it the best way we can.
i just have too say i totally understand everything you are all going through, i suffer from the same problem and have managed to isolate myself for years now, i am in a relationship and my partner has noticed my bb, i finally managed to tell him about my worries after a year and a half of being together, and it was a lot easier then i imagined, i didnt go into full detail, but after he noticed my breath was bad and told me, i told him how much i was worrying about it and that i've tried so many things to get rid of it, i also explained that its not a matter of hygiene as most people think it is, i brush my teeth 4 times a day. it is very depressing sometimes, but we just have to deal with it the best way we can untill there is some kind of cure.
i find it really helps to use a toung scrapper and mouthwash and eat regular meals 3 times a day, i also wont go anywhere without chewing gum and i always pop one in before i'm about to talk to someone, you also learn how to keep a distance from people, i never stand too close to a person and take a step back before speaking, its awlful i know, but thats the only way i personally can deal with this problem. i really feel for every one of you, i know how hard it is to deal with, but dont give up on life we have to live it the best way we can.
