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its been 13 LONG LONELY years
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its been 13 LONG LONELY years
our stories n symptoms are very similar. im also extremely pretty....not bragging...just saying bc i feel cursed and trapped in this body and unable to reach my full potential. unable to form lasting relationships and friendships.....as a result i have extremely low self esteem. i too feel that men put up with me bc of my face and body.
currently i work as a business consulatant and i never meet in person. I handle all of my accounts by email, phone or web conference. im tired of cutting myself offf from the world. inside im a very intelligent person, with great business sense and a gifted baker. i have dreams of opening my own bakery but fear the negative reactions that will come once i meet clients or investors. i wont even have to open my mouth bc the smell comes from my nose too.
I have NO friends-none. i get tired of them offering me gum, mints, talking about going to the dentist or their new sonic toothbrush.....Going anywhere causes MAJOR anxiety. i dont stay connected to my family and wont even go to church. I love my children very much but feel im just an embarassment to them. i avoid parent teacher conferences like the plague bc i dont want my children to be teased by their friends or treated differently by their teachers. ive stoped going to doctors of any kind bc they pretend my breath isnt that bad but meanwhile the whole waiting room is starring and giving me dirty looks. i never talk to anyone and i cry everynight.
Ive been treated for extreme depression, social anxiety and panic attacks and feel like im ready to die bc im not really living. ive written a will and have a trust fund in place to provide for my childrens education and boarding school. im just tired and
this is my last resort.
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and im not a spammer or bot
Things ive tried in the past
1.Dentist - deep root cleaning, extractions, fillings. (i have some silver fillings)
2. Oral rinses - therabreath, breath assure.....and several others i cant remember.
3. brushing, rinsing and gargling with peroxide or baking soda
4. Ent treated me for PND with meds and nose drops for months. he also said i have a deviated septum.
5nasal irrigation
6. my last Dr treated me for h pylori and acid reflux.
7.excessive flossing.
8. hair and blood analysis by homeopath
9.body detox, liver, colon cleanses
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- Master
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You are good looking which is better than 95% of most people.
You have a job which is better than at least 26% of people in my home town.
You have 2 kids which is better than my sister who is unable to have ANY and wants to adopt (but we all know it's not the same)
You've been searching for your cure and sounds like you have at least seen various MD's about you situation, which is FAR better than not doing anything and just "PRAYING" it goes away.
And so here you are. Contemplating s*****e because of halitosis? Just think about that......killing yourself and leaving your kids to suffer without their mother for the rest of THEIR lives over an ODOR?
My advice, for what it's worth, is to keep fighting. Foul odors DO HAVE A CAUSE. Usually infection or stagnation. So wipe those tears away, put on your gloves, put in your mouth guard, and go to your ENT for another round. Tell him/her your situation and that you think your adenoids/tonsils may be the problem. If they refuse to operate, go see another ENT. Never give up hope!
P.S. My heart goes out to you and P.M me any time. Don't be ashamed you posted here, There are many just like you who read and read and sometimes just need to tell someone their problems. At least WE can relate.
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i feel like a prisoner in my own home. i do 50 of my shopping by mail. I drive miles out of my way to avoid certain businesses were ive had negative experiences. lol. i even order gum in bulk not only because i refuse to be without something in my mouth but even the act of buying gum draws nasty looks. i know inside people are thinking gum wont help or she needs to chew the whold pack!
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After about 10 years of searching, reading, seeking doctors and trying to get healthy i gave up. I figure there is nothing that i myself can do to solve this problem it has to been something inside of my body or a part of my genetic makeup. i feel ive exhausted every avenue.
so i spend about 90% of my time alone. working, reading, online, watching tv. and thats what my life has become. i hide from the world to avoid face to face conversations. so yes ive been preparing for s*****e bc im tired of living like this and i cant see an end in sight. its a horrible cycle......get depressed spent months alone, snap out of it, go back into 'the world', get treated like crap on a shoe, get depressed......oh yeah and smoke. i recently added cigs, weed and drugs. might as well get some kicks. like my BB can get any worse - people were already opening windows in the winter. my gyno would wear a facemask thru my whole examinations-beore , after and during!. then i fucked around and fell in love with somone but i have 0 relationship skills and cannot communitcate in person. we had a phone relationship bc i refused to open my mouth when we were together. (and he was perfect and wanted to marry me. i know he wanted to ask but the communication thing got in the way time and again.)lol i was too busy holding my breath! that just sounds so crazy!
so yeah im done with this. i mean ive tried the whole ' im just going to live my life and ignore all the statements and nasty looks' It didnt work for me - im not that strong. even my BFF of 20 years would offer me gum and say 'dirty mouth' like the Orbit gum tv commercial....even in public.
and dont get me started on praying and GOD. i no longer believe. I cant. There's no such thing as miracles or faith or healing. its just a bunch of bs. no offense meant to anyone.
ive rambled on and on but yeah im ready to go. this isnt living. and i dont feel it will ever change and im not happy with that.
Then i have decided that, may be in my next 20 or 30 yrs i might find some solution and can spread across that to other people who are suffering.
Hope you can do that too.
BTW... is MeowKitty cured? Whatz her solution? I din't see her posts recently.
I have been in your shoes. I think we all have at one time or another. What I have found is the more you distance yourself from people the more you are an outcast. I know it's hard to act like everything is OK when it isn't, but people are much more tolerant when you act normal.
I thought when I had my baby boy I would never talk or kiss him or interact with him and that was just crazy thinking! Kids need their mom even if she's stinky. My daughter would tell you that in a sec. I'm sure the day is going to come that my son will start talking and make comments and I've decided that's just the way it is and when he gets old enough explain to him what is going on.
You sound like a smart talented woman.....go open your bakery!!! I'm doing a craft show this weekend and I'll probably get comments but that's just the way it is. I refuse to let this define me. Don't let this take another second of your life.
Susie
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I'm not sure how much of this forum you've gone over but MEOWKITTY was cured with removal of adenoids and tonsils and she had the kind of "room clearing" halitosis you speak of.
I suspect things like GERD and PND wouldn't cause halitosis of that magnitude. Do you have an appointment for the ENT yet?
I'm assuming, besides all the Dr. Visits, that you've tried all the usual treatments to no avail? I.E. baking soda, peroxide, chlorhexidine, smartmouth mouthwash, etc?
Took me eight years to mind my cure(chronic PND, cured with prednisone and nasal steroids), but in the matter of 2 weeks I was a whole different person. I used to get mad at my wife just because she wanted to meat up with friends or do something with a group of people.....and in retrospect I was being selfish because I didn't want to have to feel uncomfortable. It was so bad at one point that I wouldn't even sing a song to my 1 month old baby to put her to sleep because I was afraid she'd turn from me.....how pathetic is that? Anyway, I became so desperate that I said F&^k this, I'm going to see every doctor in this city until I pinpoint the problem and I don't care what it costs in terms of money or time. After about 5 separate dr's I was cured and now I believe that, like me, EVERYONE has a cure.....You just have to be tenacious and NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!
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There is no way i can endure 20-30 MORE years of BB that has been getting progressively worse. Thats not an option for me.
Susie:
when you say people are more tolerant when you act normal......by people do you mean family, friends or the general public? My family tolerants me. My friends would reticule and bombard me with mints and gum. And the general public treats me like a second class citizen whether i try to shrink into the wallpaper or am outgoing. They refuse to shake my hand. Clerks drop my change in my hand. One even put it on the counter and slid it toward me. Im a sensitive person my nature and have always been prone to crying (i grew up in an abusive home) I just cant take this rejection from EVERYONE. not only can i not be my normal self - but ive forgotten what my normal self even is. i dont feel like i fit in this world.
And as far a opening a bakery, as long as i have BB that wont happen-or as long as anything is baked by me....Awhile ago i held an invite only tasting event, jst to test the waters and generate buzz. i wasnt not going to attend by my advisors insisted. The food was a success but as I made my rounds, meeting and greeting, pretending I didnt have this horrible BB -people were visibly taken aback to learn that i was the baker. i saw one lady spit something out. I LOVE to bake, its one of the only things that brings me joy now as i dont socialize...but i cant take that type of rejection. my business would fail i live in a small town. People would talk. Most of the people i grew up with and attended school with have no idea i still live here bc i travel far and wide to do things as simple as going to the market or pharmacy. the only intown shopping i do is by way of drive thrus.
Notanymore
I have yet another appt with an ENT this wed afternoon. I actually saw this guy five years ago and he treated me for sinusitus with steroids and nose drops. We did about four rounds of meds with no change in my BB. Hopefully he will agree that my BB has become worse and will agree to removed my adenoids and tonsils.
I plan to take with me a list of
-all 27 doctors, dentists and specialist ive seen over the years
-what i was treated for
-the products ive tried
Hopefully he feels sorry for me and just does it without making a fuss. Times are hard, he should just take the money and go with the saying - the customer is always right.
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- 17yearbattle
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I saw the thread for posting aim accounts ill post there since I have to create a different one but any way im around NYC and would love to finally have some friends who could relate to me
Re: its been 13 LONG LONELY years
hey, it's fess let me just start right off by saying your stronger then you think, you
just don't realize it yet. first your a mother that in itself makes you strong especially if your a single mom like my mom was. i think moms are warriors in general, they have to
raise, nurture, and protect their kids which is a gigantic responsibility by itself. ask my
mom i was a complete handful, still am. anyways, your thoughts and feelings were mine except i'm single with no responsibility besides myself which i don't do so well. i even tried s*****e a couple of years back quitting my job and taking a vaca to end it all. but i'm happy i didn't go through with it. i decided i will do whatever it takes to keep my sanity while searching for the cause and remedy. listen to notanymore, if you saw 27 dr.s then you might have to see 27 more dr's to find the cause of this ailment to treat it correctly. you said your attractive well i met someone on this site and hooked up with her in the new york city area. we broke it off and it had nothing to do with our problem. I will say it was great while it lasted. and no i was not trying to hook up it just happen. she had a child but she was so driven and believed in herself so much that she refused to let people decide what kind of person she was. that was inspiration for me like it should be for yourself. knowing that your good looking is one thing but loving yourself and know that
you are still special with this condition is more important. i live in north jersey but work in
nyc mostly for the money but also to get away from my small town myself. small towns
can be real tough cause you feel everyone! knows your history. so what? they won't pay
your bills, they won't raise your kids, they won't feed and dress them, f***k them and everyone else who looks at you with disdain. try to find a job that requires little voice exchange maybe a toll booth clerk, or stock, anything that will not get your anxiety up.
i perform x-rays and cat scan's at a hospital and work the graveyard shift to avoid alot
of personnel, it was perfect until currently the hospital i work for went under so i'm out
of a job starting all over with nothing saved. thats' my fault but i'm gonna get back on that
horse until i can again get a position in my field that will be at night. whatever it takes kiddo. i dont have kids but i bet they love you dearly regardless of the faces they make
and they would not want anyone else to replace you. be strong and lean on us,
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i have to get my tonsils out in order to elimate them as a cause. ive tried all the products, health kicks ect....so now im on to cutting. if someone told me it might be my ears id cut them off myself. i want this gone! if there was a surgeon that would do exploratory Id sign right up. so as you can see im desperate. my plan is to
-get tonsils and adenois ripped out
-try diflucan or some other poison
-maybe try a very strict diet-vegan, no lactose or fructose
someone also suggested goldenseal so i may as well jump on that bandwagon too.
even tho i really dont feel like it at all. id rather just chain smoke, get high and watch tv. that seems to be my only relief. some people let off steam by working out, or having sex or going out with friends but none of those things are options for me bc im constantly concerned with how offensive my BB is...at this point they're not even that appealing anymore
fess i used to be a strong person. and for the most part i am a single mom. but i cant fanthom spending the rest of my life like this kids or no kids.
- 17yearbattle
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PS the one good thing I got out of the tonsils coming out is that I lost 10pounds I couldn't eat for two weeks! lol lots of pain.. Also any doctors will be glad to pull your tonsils out because it wont kill you and they make MONEY!