I am a boy(21) from southern part of india curently pursuing my masters degree in canada(british columbia).I have been a guest of this site since 5 years but never took the initiative to post something really like this.I am just typing whatever i really want to convey everyone.Hoping everyone will take time to read this.May be this may help someone mentally.This is a bigger one since i am explaining everything but please take time to read it......
Till my 15 (2011):
I am a very energitic,short tempered,clever,talkative,lavish person and a friendly one.Had a lot of friends in this age,I had a girlfriend when i was in my +1 which continued till 2017 and eventually broke up which ill let you know in later part.
in my early 16(2012):STARTING OF MY WORST STAGE OF LIFE
I went to a wedding and one of my friends said you are smelling bad ,i really didn't bother at that time.
And on the next day when i went to class my friends started to held their nose while i am talking to them,even my close friends.That time i just thought may be some indigestion problem during that 2 days span.But after 3 days it still continued and i got the worse reactions from my friends.Just rubbing their nose like as if they are having cold.
slowly it started coming from my nose too and the things started going worse.People started seeing me differently,The love that has been till then has turned into hesitation.
I am worried a lot at that time because i am unable to face them,it used to kill me inside when they used to held their nose.
I know its not from my mouth but to make sure i consulted dentist once and he said everything is absolutely fine .Then I consulted many doctors and explained my position and they were like "are you mad? There is no case in medical like getting smell from nose" May be your friends are pranking you.
The worst case scenario is "My parents said they are not feeling it and even doctors".They never believed me .But i used to try all medicines by meeting ent's , gastro ,Nothing worked and i also got my tonsils removed (tonsil stones) but nothing worked.
I know that it was coming from my stomach,the smell varies on food i eat,the more spicy and caffine i eat the more it stinks.Onion spices everything sticks.It felt like burden even going to meet relatives and close friends,but the best things is my best friends never left me.May be they struggled by bearing smell but never they stopped talking to me because i know how much a person likes me when they get close to heart.All my friends are normal only by bearing smell but i have something in mind that am i with this disease.
Due to this smell from nose i couldnt even attend classes and my attendace is 15 % in my +2, If i attend class i am sitting holding my breath half time.
at one stage in this time i thought of ending my life as i felt there is no option left.I took 8 sleeping pills at a time,but my mother came to know it and immediately rushed me to hospital and diagonised.I am depressed really , i cant face anyone this is what i want my life to be,this killed me socially,mentally ,But there is something interesting about me , i cleared my exams with 96% ,with 15% attendance.I am clever at studies,had the best brain of all , could have cracked IIT but due to this,everything got ruined,because u need guidance for iit which i couldnt get as i cant face anyone.
MEDICATIONS I TOOK:
1)Probiotics
2)nutribiotics
3)Gastric and digestion related tablets
4)Apple cidar vinegar
5)Many more antibiotics
but nothong worked
IN UNDERGRADUATION(2013-2017):
I joined a college far from my state and went to north india for under graduation hoping for a change but nothing changed.I never used to talk to anyone in starting but i have my friends from +2 over there i really used to be free and enjoy with them but not with anyone else because i dont want anyone closing nose in front of me.
{{{{{{{{{{{ Everything was just going on like that ,In a small trauma but in 2014 i went into depression, when i went back to home for holidays and my mom said you are not having any bad smell but everyone is getting it.She took me to a doctor and he said you must consult a psychiatrist .I was just wondering why dont my parents listen to me .I can feel it but these doctors cant get it and atlast they made me mad by taking to psychiatrist .I was admitted in hospital and was given counselling but nothing helped.But i used to act in front of my parents that i was ok now,because i know how much they used to cry seeing their loving son at such mental position.
Then i heard of a senior most doctor in my town and met him after seing all my reports being negative in gastro and ent he said ,this is called halitosis, there is no cure for it it must eventually decrease.That's when i rigidly fixed my mind that there is no cure "I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT.I HAVE TO LIVE FOR MY PARENTS".
Just a small change in my behaviour started }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.
THINGS I DID TO REDUCE MY MENTAL STRESS:
1)used to sit in last of my class
2)talked with persons who doesnot have much sensitiveness(of nose) to badsmell.There are like 10 out of 40 in our class .It is not like that they dint get ,but not as much as everyone get.
3)used the last bed in hostel room with always blanket covered.
4)started travelling with some good friends and i become a traveller and adventurist in 5 month span .
5)Avoided crowded areas.
THINGS I GAINED IN THIS FOUR YEAR SPAN:
1)I got 9.1 gpa for all 4 years and was topper for 5 semester ,I never used to listen to class much even my professors no i smell bad but i just proved them that i am no lesser than a ordinary person,
2)Got the best project award in 4th year.
3)Gained 10 good friends for life.They are more than anything.Because they are the only persons who accepted me as me with heart rather than smell.
4)Travelled 7 states in india and did adventures, hiked the most dangerous mountains,para glided,been in most dangErous bike race
5)started living in nights and sleeping in day
6)I GOT PLACED IN A COMPANY IN MY FINAL YEAR IN A SOFTWARE COMPANY
even though i am from mechanical department.one of the most important things : My millions of wealth,cars,family ,percentage nothing brought me happiness.but just some persons with whom i could talk on face bought it.Thats where my life has taken me to such dreadful position ,From lavish ,cheerfull life everything turned into this type of life where i am afraid to talk to a fellow human being .
THINGS I LEARNED IN 4 YEARS SPAN:
1)Travelling showed me how beautiful the world is.There is something i can live with travel and live.Travel on my bike just get lost in woods enjoy.
2)There are many who are in a situation like me,so stay strong you are not alone.
3)There are people who accept you,may be not of your opposite sex but of our own most probably.
MY LOVE LIFE THESE 4 YEARS:
My love in +2 is not in my section so she ever knew my problem,because, i never used to come to college but used to wait near house to wave n see her off and all smiles n giggles Only a typical indian can understand.We have first kissed on new year.The biggest advantage of my love life is she is not that much sensitive to smells.And the other one is she did her under grad in south and me in north ,So its only hardly 15 days in an year we met but been busy in talking in phones all time.We had over 1000 kisses and made out twice on an occassion.Thats the bigest advantage of being far,because she never knew that i am suffering from this.Its only 15 days an year that too not in consecutive days,so i could cover up easily.So saw this life too.But she left me as she has to obey the marriage proposal her mom bought for her.Atleast she gave me some memories in romantic life.I miss her truly.She will be in my heart till my last breathe.She is my first love.so special. We broke up last year.
SOFTWARE JOB LIFE:
I have been trained for 2 months under data ware housing,I used to struggle a lot because the chairs are very near to each other in software life ,They used to held their nose when i sit by their side,and this time there are girls too in my class which i dont have in my under grad but most time i used to be out of class with some foolish reason and stayed till late night so that i can study after everyone left and has been the 3rd top most of 30 people even though i am from mechanical department and with this dreadful problem.
But realized this environment is not suiting me.I will die of headache holding my breathe for long hours,so i just quit the job and applied for masters and got the admission immediately as my scores are really good and ielts with a band of 7.5 and fly here.
MY decision to fly here to British columbia:
India is really crowded place and i cant find freedom there to walk even there holding my breath, i just want to live peacefully walk peacefully,breathe peacefully,enjoy the nature. I got admission in uni of toronto but i dont want to go there because totonto is a crowded place.So i opted for BC.I have to work in an open environment not inside a room which destroys my confidence .
COMING TO BRITISH COLUMBIA,CANADA
I took an individual room.Although it costs 700$ i am comfortable with it.
still I am not comfortable here because i have to travel by bus daily which are really crowded and people stare with eyes and also have to work in part times which are really scary to work in closed environment and i have to answer all customers .It is killing me inside but one thing i cant quit,because the world is really beautifull but all i have to do is wait for a job that has open air environment
Just cleraing a small myth:
A matter of concern for many teens in this age is they just feel jealous and get depressed that they are not having a love and romantic life as others have.I know it hurts because i feel the same .But remember sex is not the ultimate option of survival.There is a lot other than that.But i guess this site is providing some dating too .Lets try ourselves in this.As we are of same black spot , i feel we can understand each other.
REMEMBER:
1)The more you bother about bad breath the more it incresases in intensity.So try to deviate yourself from that thaught and try to stay calm.
2)Food matters to an extent of smell.Avoid spicy and onions.
Concluding :
1)Just find which places suits you much,try for an open environment.just a saying from into the wild movie "It is not necessary in life to be strong ,but to feel strong" I am just trying to do this ,i dont know how much extent am going to survive with this but i will try to survive.Let me wait and see my fate now.
2)we must not blame other people for this .Like they are cruel closing their nose.Because there is no need for them to bear us when they got lot of alternatives other than us .Just try to find people who can accept you as you.And dont loose hope.
3)There are many hidden talents inside everyone.lets Try to bring them out and use it for survival.....
