Is this really my life?
Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 5:13 pm
I don't really know where to begin, but maybe the actual beginning is appropriate. I have suffered from chronic bad breath for about 20 years that I know of! When I was about 10 or 11 years old I got a route canal. My mother's insurance only covered the actual procedure and did not cover the cost of the cap. Needless to say...about 5 or 6 years down the line my tooth began to chip and eventually just kinda broke off. When I was about 18....I was talking to a coworker about my chipped tooth and she responded..."So that's why your breath smells sometimes?" I didn't even know to say...so I just said..."I guess so."
I tried to take better care of my mouth right there and then. I met a guy about a year later and two years into my relationship he kept telling me to go the dentist. It still hadn't hit me that I had "chronic halitosis." He just kept telling me that maybe I needed to get my teeth cleaned. I had neglected my cleanings for years...not having insurance and all. (BIg mistake). So here I am still walking around with this bad tooth knowing that it smelled, I would rub my finger on the tooth and then smell it....yuck!
Fast forward 5 years later...I get a job as a flight attendant and of course I am coming in contact with people all the time. I was introduced to Altoids so I thought I could use that to mask the problem until I actually took care of it. Lol...yeah right! What was I thinking? Well...I eventually went the the dentist to get this bad tooth removed because I think this will solve my BB problem. After this I go back to work a lot more confident thinking that I no longer had BB. Boy was I wrong! One time I was on the plane doing a beverage service...after I got a few rows up I turn around to see a passenger that I had just serve turn to the woman beside her and say..."Did you smell her breath?" I wanted to break down and cry right then!
I then talk to my dentist about it and he asks me to purchase a Rota-Dent toothbrush and to come in for a series of special cleanings. Happy Happy Joy Joy....NOT!!!
No one has ever told me exactly how bad my breath smells...I've always just overheard people talking about me. I know it can be embarrassing for people to be honest with you, but I would prefer that over people smiling in my face and talking to me....and then when I leave the room cut into me. It's gotten really hard to deal with. I've tried TheraBreath, Clo Sys, etc. I even went to a well known dentist in New York that I seen on television. He supposedly specializes in halitosis. I breathed into a halometer and was horrified! He told me that with this particular halometer that anything over 50 was considered "bad breath." I topped out at 83!!! He told me that I probably have some dry mouth issues and that dairy, coffee, alchohol, gengavitis, etc were my culprits. He also told me that for $2,300 I could have fresh breath with his series of 4 treatments. Needless to say I don't have this money right now...and my worst fear would be to pay this money and still have BB!
Socially and emotionally I have suffered beyond belief! I'm no longer a flight attendant, but I still have a job where I'm constantly coming into contact with people....as a matter of fact THAT IS MY JOB! I just want to curl up into a ball and die! I've always had dreams of being a singer, novelist, travel journalist, etc...and as of late I have become interested in acting and musical theater. How does one have the confidence do this when you know that you will probably alienate around you? This little story is only scratching the surface of what I've endured over the last 20 years. Is this really my life? Sometimes I just want to die!
I tried to take better care of my mouth right there and then. I met a guy about a year later and two years into my relationship he kept telling me to go the dentist. It still hadn't hit me that I had "chronic halitosis." He just kept telling me that maybe I needed to get my teeth cleaned. I had neglected my cleanings for years...not having insurance and all. (BIg mistake). So here I am still walking around with this bad tooth knowing that it smelled, I would rub my finger on the tooth and then smell it....yuck!
Fast forward 5 years later...I get a job as a flight attendant and of course I am coming in contact with people all the time. I was introduced to Altoids so I thought I could use that to mask the problem until I actually took care of it. Lol...yeah right! What was I thinking? Well...I eventually went the the dentist to get this bad tooth removed because I think this will solve my BB problem. After this I go back to work a lot more confident thinking that I no longer had BB. Boy was I wrong! One time I was on the plane doing a beverage service...after I got a few rows up I turn around to see a passenger that I had just serve turn to the woman beside her and say..."Did you smell her breath?" I wanted to break down and cry right then!
I then talk to my dentist about it and he asks me to purchase a Rota-Dent toothbrush and to come in for a series of special cleanings. Happy Happy Joy Joy....NOT!!!
No one has ever told me exactly how bad my breath smells...I've always just overheard people talking about me. I know it can be embarrassing for people to be honest with you, but I would prefer that over people smiling in my face and talking to me....and then when I leave the room cut into me. It's gotten really hard to deal with. I've tried TheraBreath, Clo Sys, etc. I even went to a well known dentist in New York that I seen on television. He supposedly specializes in halitosis. I breathed into a halometer and was horrified! He told me that with this particular halometer that anything over 50 was considered "bad breath." I topped out at 83!!! He told me that I probably have some dry mouth issues and that dairy, coffee, alchohol, gengavitis, etc were my culprits. He also told me that for $2,300 I could have fresh breath with his series of 4 treatments. Needless to say I don't have this money right now...and my worst fear would be to pay this money and still have BB!
Socially and emotionally I have suffered beyond belief! I'm no longer a flight attendant, but I still have a job where I'm constantly coming into contact with people....as a matter of fact THAT IS MY JOB! I just want to curl up into a ball and die! I've always had dreams of being a singer, novelist, travel journalist, etc...and as of late I have become interested in acting and musical theater. How does one have the confidence do this when you know that you will probably alienate around you? This little story is only scratching the surface of what I've endured over the last 20 years. Is this really my life? Sometimes I just want to die!