This can't be life
Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 12:56 am
Like many I feel like I don’t even know where to start…
So when I was younger I was the most social personable little kid you can imagine… Up until I was about 10 or 11 I had no problems. One day I got this excruciating tooth ache. My grandma works for a dentist (ironic right) so I saw him to get it fixed. He gave me Novocain and started working on my tooth, I tried telling him that the pain was unbearable but he didn’t seem to care. Even as a child I had a very high pain tolerance so I know I wasn’t just being an annoying little kid. About mid-way through I just got up and walked out, I couldn’t stand the pain. Over time my breath started to smell which my grandma warned me about. In middle school I could actually survive a day with no one noticing my breath. By the time I reached 9th grade I came to the conclusion that I’ll need gum 24/7 to combat this problem. I did pretty well throughout high school with limited comments or reactions. For some reason it didn’t seem to really bother me until 11th grade. I realized that if this remains a problem I’ll never have a girlfriend, get married or be able to have kids. My sex life was actually pretty active considering my problem, but it was full of one night stands or late night drunk dials where there was never really any emotional connection. It hurts my heart so bad to know that even if I wanted a normal relationship I just couldn’t have it. I always played on sports teams which is a pretty difficult place to hide such a condition. I’ve somehow become a master at disguising it, whether it be situating myself where I don’t think people will smell it, directing my voice the opposite direction of people…or just really anything I’m sure you guys have done. I was a successful athlete and on the field it felt so good cause I never really thought about it. But after a good game the first thing I thought about was avoiding newspaper reporters, and people who want to congratulate me on a good game. What the ***k is wrong with me? What kind of kid wouldn’t want a quote in a newspaper or pretty girls telling them they played great? By the time I got to my senior year I knew I needed to try and solve this problem. I got my wisdom teeth removed, and the remains of my root canal from when I was a child was taken out. I thought I would be in the clear, but I didn’t get my hopes up. The day of my wisdom teeth removal I still had a bad taste in my mouth but I figured it might be because of the blood or other things related to my removal. A couple days later I still had the taste and I that’s when I started to get more depressed. I found out that the root canal had infected another tooth so I got so excited cause I figured I had pin-pointed the cause. I received a root canal on the tooth and I could smell the infection as the dentist drilled my tooth. Never have I been so happy to smell my own breath. I was so excited cause I thought this could be the last of my problems (problems being an understatement). That was pretty much the last of my hopes and I really started to feel down on my self. I go to a huge party school and I love to go out and have a good time, but recently I’ve been like some kind of hermit avoiding going out at any costs. I’m not myself anymore, I love being around people, talking, and just being a social person. I would give anything to be able to talk to a girl and look her in the eyes face to face, or just go to a bar and not think once about my breath. Nights that I go out I literally need a pack and a half of gum. Lately I’ve just been really sad, there’s girls I know are interested in me but I don’t want to get close to them for fear that I’ll be exposed. So much of human interaction is up close and I feel like a freak. At first I was happy when I found this forum but honestly I just feel way worse after reading some stories. It seems like no one has found a solution…I couldn’t imagine dealing with this for the rest of my life. The thought of that makes me want to kill myself. If anyone has any ideas for a solution please help.
So when I was younger I was the most social personable little kid you can imagine… Up until I was about 10 or 11 I had no problems. One day I got this excruciating tooth ache. My grandma works for a dentist (ironic right) so I saw him to get it fixed. He gave me Novocain and started working on my tooth, I tried telling him that the pain was unbearable but he didn’t seem to care. Even as a child I had a very high pain tolerance so I know I wasn’t just being an annoying little kid. About mid-way through I just got up and walked out, I couldn’t stand the pain. Over time my breath started to smell which my grandma warned me about. In middle school I could actually survive a day with no one noticing my breath. By the time I reached 9th grade I came to the conclusion that I’ll need gum 24/7 to combat this problem. I did pretty well throughout high school with limited comments or reactions. For some reason it didn’t seem to really bother me until 11th grade. I realized that if this remains a problem I’ll never have a girlfriend, get married or be able to have kids. My sex life was actually pretty active considering my problem, but it was full of one night stands or late night drunk dials where there was never really any emotional connection. It hurts my heart so bad to know that even if I wanted a normal relationship I just couldn’t have it. I always played on sports teams which is a pretty difficult place to hide such a condition. I’ve somehow become a master at disguising it, whether it be situating myself where I don’t think people will smell it, directing my voice the opposite direction of people…or just really anything I’m sure you guys have done. I was a successful athlete and on the field it felt so good cause I never really thought about it. But after a good game the first thing I thought about was avoiding newspaper reporters, and people who want to congratulate me on a good game. What the ***k is wrong with me? What kind of kid wouldn’t want a quote in a newspaper or pretty girls telling them they played great? By the time I got to my senior year I knew I needed to try and solve this problem. I got my wisdom teeth removed, and the remains of my root canal from when I was a child was taken out. I thought I would be in the clear, but I didn’t get my hopes up. The day of my wisdom teeth removal I still had a bad taste in my mouth but I figured it might be because of the blood or other things related to my removal. A couple days later I still had the taste and I that’s when I started to get more depressed. I found out that the root canal had infected another tooth so I got so excited cause I figured I had pin-pointed the cause. I received a root canal on the tooth and I could smell the infection as the dentist drilled my tooth. Never have I been so happy to smell my own breath. I was so excited cause I thought this could be the last of my problems (problems being an understatement). That was pretty much the last of my hopes and I really started to feel down on my self. I go to a huge party school and I love to go out and have a good time, but recently I’ve been like some kind of hermit avoiding going out at any costs. I’m not myself anymore, I love being around people, talking, and just being a social person. I would give anything to be able to talk to a girl and look her in the eyes face to face, or just go to a bar and not think once about my breath. Nights that I go out I literally need a pack and a half of gum. Lately I’ve just been really sad, there’s girls I know are interested in me but I don’t want to get close to them for fear that I’ll be exposed. So much of human interaction is up close and I feel like a freak. At first I was happy when I found this forum but honestly I just feel way worse after reading some stories. It seems like no one has found a solution…I couldn’t imagine dealing with this for the rest of my life. The thought of that makes me want to kill myself. If anyone has any ideas for a solution please help.