Love & BB
Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 10:54 pm
Ok i created the following post about a week ago
Since then my bf & I as of ysterday have reconciled even though I didn't want to bc i truly wanted to be bb free before getting back together i wanted him to be in awe of me and my regained confidence. But he kept calling and texting day to day and i finally gave in i hate to see him like that i know he loves bc he doesn't have to put up w/ me he's a good looking guy but he does he told me if God would come down and bless our relationship he will marry me right now. My bb has made me so sensitive and insecure i think he's not attrached to me anymore and that he has to be cheating or why would he want me like this bc honestly if the roles were reversed I don't think i could hang so i know he has to love me to put up with me and after he expressed his feelings yesterday I know he truly does love me. Our problems has nothing to do w/ my bb but has everything to do with the person my bb has made me become. Even though my bb is clearly obvious how do I tell him about this issue i think maybe if he knows what I'm going through emotionally it will be easier to deal. I don't want to tell him any bs about sinus issues bc i don't think thats my issue I want to be completely straight forward and honest.ruth
i can tell u being in a relationship w/ bb is tough i found myself pushing my bf away, being bitter and mean. i felt like i was being treated unfairly bc he thought i needed him like i couldn't get anyone else. i found myself dealing with and putting up with things i normally wouldn't have. we were togather for a long time and been through hell togather so figured we can make it through anything but i guess not through bb. i can tell he wasn't as attracted to me even though we had plenty sex it lacked intimacy not to mention my bf reached the big "O" pretty quick for 9yrs he said it was bc he was really turned on by me and before me w/ others he lasted but recently since my bb got way worse he takes longer to climax and he constantly stops and reaches, bends down, or something like it he's trying to get air he even whistles sometimes wtf? he doesn't let me hug, hold, or kiss him he always makes up excuses like he's still mad at me or it's hot or something. i just came to the conclusion that id rather be alone and deal w/ this than have someone there and feel like their disgusted by you. i can't wait until i cure this thing and he sees the old me again beautiful on the outside as well as the inside.
it's weird how we all have this in common we say we're good looking, sexy, nice bodies but we have bb are we being punished. im not saying this because im on the internet and no one can see me but im a very nice looking girl i feel maybe God is punishing me sometimes and gave me a seat back to really observe who i was and what i was becoming. bc of bb im a changed person not all for the bad im a much stronger person, i know exactly who i am and what i want, ive gotten more spiritual, i feel like once i conquer bb i can do anything. my life has been in park for so long under the dark but when i get relief i will blossom and spread my wings and become a social butterfly ive already decided im going to move to new york and pursue my dreams. once im sure ive beaten his thing unlike most i will regain my life im not going to let yrs of recluse affect me. that day will come folks and soon trust me!