My Story - Long Time Sufferer & Possible Cure

[Taylor]

I've been a long time reader of this Forum and am just now getting the courage to post, inspired a great deal by others who have shared their stories on this crippling, debilitating health issue - not sure what else to call it. I will try to be as succinct as possible but like so many others, I have had chronic bb, starting as far back as I can remember, to my public school years, when I was first labelled 'smelly Taylor' and as a result, I was shunned by my fellow classmates, and the worst thing that could happen to other students was to have their school desks for the year, in front of mine, or across the aisle.

By the time I was 10 years old, my teeth would bleed at night to the point that I would wake up with pools of blood on my pillow case, and my lips would be crusted with dried blood. To be sure, good oral hygiene was not practiced in my family, and I spent many hours as a child with aching teeth, with no relief. By the time I was 15, my mouth was in such bad shape that my mother was forced to take me to see a dentist as I'd developed what was known as 'trench mouth.' Many of my teeth were so loose that you could have plucked them out of my mouth, and my gums were a festering breeding ground for oozing black pus - the pain was unbelievable. But my mother was forced to seek medical intervention and the dentist who I saw on an emergency basis was horrified at what he discovered. He immediately put me on antibiotics/pain relief, and I was to rinse my mouth three times a day with slightly diluted hydrogen peroxide.

Once my mouth had started to heal and I could eat again, I noticed a strange and unbelievable discovery. There was no longer any putrid pus coming out of my mouth, and the horrid taste that was always in the back of my throat/tongue was gone. And the few friends that I had noticed, as well as my sisters!

I remember thinking that finally I had a cure for the putrid smell that was always in my mouth and a boy actually tried to kiss me at a school dance. I thought my life had just begun and I was on my knees with gratitude, every night.

But as I discovered this was just a temporary cure and my dentist told me that I had to stop the hydrogen peroxide, once my mouth had completely healed. So for about a month, I became a more confident teenager, and I revelled in the fact that when I tested my breath, it was a very sweet smell - the normal smell of someone who doesn't suffer from this insidious disorder. It was short lived, and then it was back to no one wanting to be within 3 feet of me and that constant, familiar rotten meat taste in the back of my throat.

Fast forward 40 years, and bb has ruined my life, in the same ways that so many of you speak. Two marriages, isolation, what eventually became social phobia, and throughout the years, thoughts of s******e. I was born into a family of 6 other children, and I was the only one who had this problem. A neglectful mother did not once take me to a doctor to determine what was causing this distressing problem with her second youngest child, and so I was allowed to suffer for years until my 20's, when I plucked up the courage to try and find some answers on my own. But the deep embarrassment, shame, and anxiety that I felt even saying the words, bb, when I had to tell far too many receptionists why I was making an appointment to see the doctor; kept me in such a state that often times I would cancel the appointment as it was just too shameful.

Over the years, I've had a "submucous resection" as one ear/throat specialist felt my problem was related to dripping mucous in the back of my nasal cavity; but this proved to be a painful ordeal and in the end, of course did not work at all.

I've spent thousands of dollars on products claiming to cure bb, only to be disappointed once again. One product that I tried that was based in Australia, gave me about 60% relief, which I supposed was better than nothing. But I wanted the freedom, and confidence, that comes with the feeling that had eluded me for so many years - that of being able to walk into a room with a smile on my face, and hug someone without them quickly stepping back with their hand over their nose, and asking me what I'd had to eat that day.

People without this issue simply can't imagine what it's like, how it impacts every single moment of your life. How it erodes your confidence, your ability to find love when you smell like rotting fish, baking in the sun. How do you explain to a possible love interest that you can't kiss them or even sit in the front seat of the car, because the smell coming out of your mouth is so fowl? The things that you don't do in your life - the jobs you might have had but didn't apply for because within a day, you'd be found out and quickly avoided, from there on in. The time you spend trying to avoid family/friends social activities and why you would get labelled as quiet and often times rude, simply because you couldn't say thank you for a gift you'd just received, because you'd have to open your mouth and talk. The list goes on and on. Over the years I would often think that the only love I could truly count on and be comfortable with were my dogs/horses, as they were oblivious to the smell coming from their 'mom's
mouth.

As hard as I tried to cover my bb, when my daughter told me as a young teenager, that I had bb a lot, I was absolutely crushed. I had tried to hide it for years but there's only so much you can do...

All this to say, that I believe I have found a cure for my bb and I never, in this life time, thought I would ever be able to say this. I had simply given up and decided the best thing for me was to live a life of solitude, with my pets my main source of love. This is what I have inadvertently discovered...

My doctor put me on a product called Anoro Ellipta, three weeks ago, which is a small hand bronchilator that I inhale once a day. It was designed to help people with mild to moderate breathing issues (I'm an ex smoker) and needs only be taken once a day. I was having shortness of breath and this product has helped me tremendously. I am not advocating this product or suggesting that you try it, but here is what I've discovered, as an unexpected side bar.

Along with increasing my stamina etc., I had noticed after about 4 days that the taste in the back of my mouth was changing, and when I did a breath test, the horrible smell on the back of my hand was very faint. After a week on A.E., I discovered that there was no bad taste in my mouth at all. In fact, it was quite sweet and my mouth felt fresh and lovely, for the first time in 40 years. I was stunned by this but so afraid that it was a temporary side relief, but after 3 weeks my mouth is as pristine as it gets. I can go to bed without brushing my teeth, and in the morning, there is no bad taste in my mouth at all. It's unfortunate that with the current global situation, I can't try speaking to people up front and personal, but I do know that there has been a drastic change in my bb...and it's gone!

I can only assume that whatever was causing my chronic bb, tonsil stones that I can't see, constant nasal drip in the back of my throat etc.. whatever is in this product, is killing the offending cause of my bb. It doesn't matter what I eat, or if I even brush my teeth that day, if I take a puff of A.E. at the same time every morning, it lasts all day and through the night. I really don't want to analysis this too much as I am currently still in the 'excitement phase' and looking at myself in the mirror each morning, and wishing that I could kiss someone, for the first time without having them back away and plug their nose.

So three weeks after starting this product, I no longer have chronic bb and I suspect that if I should stop the A.E., it would probably come back. But if this is the cure that I've been waiting for all my life, at least I can now spend some time on Planet Earth feeling like most people who have never had to deal with this horrific problem. I have more research to do but I can keep you all posted as the weeks go by. But I haven't felt this much relief and happiness since that time, so long ago, when I was just 15 years old, and thanks to an excellent dentist and hydrogen peroxide, I had the sweetest smelling breath, even if it was only for a month.

I don't know why we've been cursed with this problem and for many years I thought that it was me. I've never, in my life, met anyone else with chronic bb, and because it was so shameful to talk about, I didn't have the where with all to ask questions etc. I just let this disorder slowly erode away my confidence, self belief, happiness, and motivation. When I think of all that I could have accomplished, especially if I'd had a mother who cared about the suffering of her child; it makes me want to curl up and cry all day.

Thank you for listening and please know that your stories continue to inspire me.

Stay safe.

[Jimi Stein]

thank you for this and welcome to the forum.
MAny people see temporary relief in symptoms for few days and then the shit smell comes back.
Usually it returned after day or a week.
So please update us with this, if it will still work after few weeks...bocome a regular member here.
I also suspect that your bb was not that horrible because you have kids etc....married....

[Taylor]

Jimi:

Thanks for your response. Please bear with a few additional comments.

My bb issue goes back to 10 years old but was probably there many years prior. But that's the earliest I can remember being told by all my classmates that I had bb. It impacted my ability to have normal friendships as a child, because I 'smelled so bad.' My public school years were unbearably lonely and scary. I was not only ridiculed, but also bullied for a problem that only I seemed to have, and to which I had no understanding or anyone to help me with. Turning more and more inwardly with each passing year, I was unable to learn as each hour in the classroom was filled with anxiety, knowing that at recess time I was going to be hit/shoved/spit at, and chased home after school. My teachers were aware that I was being consistently bullied but chose to look the other way.

With respect to my marriage, it finally ended after 16 years, and throughout the years, my bb affected my marriage in many ways. When I fell in love with my husband, I concocted a story that convinced him that I 'had a thing about kissing' and I preferred a peck on the cheek over full lip kissing. I didn't go into much detail but my husband accepted that as being something quirky about me that he could live with. And I managed to get away with this for many years - holding my breath in tight situations and using the power of distraction, especially when it came to intimacy. It was very difficult to keep this up but in the end, particularly during the last year of my marriage, my bb was so bad that my husband starting commenting on it, and by then it was just a matter of time. So I was able to meet someone, fall in love, and spend years trying not to get found out, but at times I know my behaviour appeared ridiculous i.e. never talking to my husband whenever he was close by, or anyone for that matter. My bb impacted all of my relationships as I was constantly pulling away from people and not encouraging any kind of physical contact, even a hug.

The defining moment of the end of my marriage came at a huge personal cost to me - the ultimate embarrassment. We were at a New Years Eve party and at the stroke of midnight, I went to lock myself in the bathroom, which I did every year to avoid all the kissing. But my husband unexpectedly grabbed me and laid a whopper on my lips and immediately stepped back in horror. He then said, in front of a room full of people, that my breath smelt like rotten sardines. To this day, I will never forget that moment. I left the party in tears and I greeted the New Year with unbearable shame, regret, and horror. A year later, my husband and I filed for divorce.

So I found love but then lost it, and I've chosen not to put myself in that position again.

As for my son and daughter, I managed to hide my bb from them until they were young teenagers and it was my daughter who one day announced to me that I had bb a lot of the time. She stopped me in my tracks as I had learned over the years how to hold my breath, turn my head, back up a few feet etc. etc = all the things I learned to do that I thought were working, but apparently not. My relationship with my daughter was never the same after that as I couldn't discuss this life long problem with her and how it weighed on me every single day of my life. I can't remember what I said to my daughter after her comment, but I'm sure it was something flippant But I was now on super alert and refused to put myself in family situations where I had to sit close to my teenagers. I couldn't take their brutal honesty.

I'm very grateful that I was able to experience love and then go on to have two amazing children, but it has come with a price tag.

I've tried enough products over the years to know that most of them are a money grab and that eventually my bb would come back. But I've been on this bronchilator for 3 weeks now and it's as if I'd never had bb. I'm convinced that there's an ingredient (s) in this product that is killing whatever is causing the smell emanating from the back of my throat/tongue. I'm not allowing myself to get too excited because of the huge disappointments that I've had before, but I'm now entering week 4, with the same results.

Will keep you posted.

[HopefulOne]

Jimi,

I also married and had kids and my breath was HORRIBLE. I was able to marry because I was smart, pretty and married men who were beneath me. I was miserable in every relationship!!! So don’t assume those with terrible breath can’t marry.

[HopefulOne]

Taylor,

Thanks for sharing your story. I felt your pain in every word. I too came off as quirky because of all the little avoidance techniques. So much humiliation...I’m surprised I survived. I’m in my late fifties and feel like I haven’t lived my potential. I pray that you have found a permanent cure and can live the rest of your life in peace. Keep us posted.

[Taylor]

HopefullOne:

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I'm now entering week 4 on this unexpected product that I'm using which is totally unrelated to bb, but as mentioned, whatever ingredients are in this products, they seem to be killing whatever is causing the dreadful smell from the back of my throat/tongue. Several years ago, I noticed a tonsil stone at the back of my throat, but at the time had no idea what it was and my dentist never brought this to my attention. The stone eventually disappeared but I'm wondering if my issues are the results of offensive smelling tonsil stones, not easily detected. But if this is the case, the small bronchilator that I'm using seems to be killing the odour, even into the next day. I wake up in the morning with very neutral breath and all I want to do is breathe into someone's face and not have them back away in disgust. But my dogs will have to do!

I've tried googling why this once a day inhaler would turn my breath into the sweetest smell, but thus far have not been able to come up with any answers. So I've decided to just embrace this feeling of 'possibilities' and tick off the weeks as they go by. And I'm not putting all of my eggs into this particular basket because I've had too many disappointments in the past, but I am waking in the morning with positive awareness, and not that dreaded feeling of what's the point in getting dressed, and even more so, brushing my teeth. I'd actually reached that point where brushing my point seemed pointless as it would do nothing for my breath, so had to force myself to at least keep practicing good oral hygiene, regardless.

I'm so glad that I finally decided to take the plunge and stop lurking on this forum. I've been popping in and out for several years now but never had the courage to talk about my bb, even though this forum is dedicated to that very subject!

There is a sense of peace already and a special thank you to those who have found the courage to share your stories - this is what finally gave me the where with all to finally share my own experiences.

I'm an early riser so this morning I've been taking a trip down memory lane, mostly to come to terms with the 'what if's.' speaking for myself, when I consider the hours/days/years that I've spent on how to avoid social/professional/family situations, or rehearsing beforehand how I could distance myself without appearing rude; I could have written a book by now! I found that other people would simply get dressed and go to a function without a second thought, while I would agonize for hours Plan B, C, D, etc. If I was outside, for example, at a summer family barbecue, as long as I was enough distance away that I knew people couldn't smell my breath, I had all the confidence in the world. But as soon as people got closer or wanted to have a 'conversation in my face,' I would shrivel up and become extremely introverted. Weddings were my worst nightmare, along with being put in a position where I was in a car packed with people and I had absolutely no out. Chewing gum didn't work, so I would turn and face the window, refusing to answer the most basic questions, and after a time, people did label me as being moody/rude. Little did they know of the inner turmoil, shaking me to the bone...

I could have had a successful career as I had many interests and I knew that I was smart in many areas. But the thought of spending years at University where I would surely be found out, dampened my self confidence and once again, erodes my ability to learn.

So this morning I think of what I could have been...the life I could have led...if not for the fact that even higher learning would have taken its toll.

There's been many years of joy and I ended up doing what I had always dreamed up as a young girl, and that was to have a career that involved horses. The phenomenal horses that I've worked with, the extraordinary people who I've met, the travelling that I did with equines, all gave me a rewarding and happy career. But I know that even though I was a horse nut from the time I was 3 years old, for someone with bb, it was a pretty safe choice for someone with such an affliction. Animals don't care what you smell like and my dealings with clients could be done over the phone or in an office setting where I had control of how far back my chair was placed...

But I had other interests that were equally important, but didn't pursue because of my bb. It's so hard for someone who has never had to spend a day of their lives without this issue impacting every single moment of their day/night to even come closing to understanding what this is life. They are the lucky ones.

I didn't mean to turn my post into a novella so thanks for bearing with me this morning.

[HopefulOne]

No thanks for writing. For some reason reading your posts are very cathartic for me. It’s like reading my life story. I hated cars, airplanes and weddings!!! Torture for me!!! God gave me a nice personality but I couldn’t use it, because I was too afraid to open my mouth. My cousins thought I was stuck up A few years ago, a friend asked me to be her maid of honor with an all expense paid trip to Big Sur, CA. I turned it down because of my breath. Another day she asked me to the movies and I made another excuse...today we are not friends. I’m so introverted now, I’m alone most of the time. I know I need to let the past go and embrace the present but my confidence is eroded. My breath is fresh, yet I’m afraid to date. I’m afraid to kiss and make love because I don’t know how to be normal.

I had to retire early due to depression. I had such potential in the working world, but due to my breath I chose to stay under the radar. I should have been in management. Oh well let me stop going down this pity road. Happy Valentines Day All!

[roam1]

I've been a long time reader of this Forum and am just now getting the courage to post, inspired a great deal by others who have shared their stories on this crippling, debilitating health issue - not sure what else to call it. I will try to be as succinct as possible but like so many others, I have had chronic bb, starting as far back as I can remember, to my public school years, when I was first labelled 'smelly Taylor' and as a result, I was shunned by my fellow classmates, and the worst thing that could happen to other students was to have their school desks for the year, in front of mine, or across the aisle.

By the time I was 10 years old, my teeth would bleed at night to the point that I would wake up with pools of blood on my pillow case, and my lips would be crusted with dried blood. To be sure, good oral hygiene was not practiced in my family, and I spent many hours as a child with aching teeth, with no relief. By the time I was 15, my mouth was in such bad shape that my mother was forced to take me to see a dentist as I'd developed what was known as 'trench mouth.' Many of my teeth were so loose that you could have plucked them out of my mouth, and my gums were a festering breeding ground for oozing black pus - the pain was unbelievable. But my mother was forced to seek medical intervention and the dentist who I saw on an emergency basis was horrified at what he discovered. He immediately put me on antibiotics/pain relief, and I was to rinse my mouth three times a day with slightly diluted hydrogen peroxide.

Once my mouth had started to heal and I could eat again, I noticed a strange and unbelievable discovery. There was no longer any putrid pus coming out of my mouth, and the horrid taste that was always in the back of my throat/tongue was gone. And the few friends that I had noticed, as well as my sisters!

I remember thinking that finally I had a cure for the putrid smell that was always in my mouth and a boy actually tried to kiss me at a school dance. I thought my life had just begun and I was on my knees with gratitude, every night.

But as I discovered this was just a temporary cure and my dentist told me that I had to stop the hydrogen peroxide, once my mouth had completely healed. So for about a month, I became a more confident teenager, and I revelled in the fact that when I tested my breath, it was a very sweet smell - the normal smell of someone who doesn't suffer from this insidious disorder. It was short lived, and then it was back to no one wanting to be within 3 feet of me and that constant, familiar rotten meat taste in the back of my throat.

Fast forward 40 years, and bb has ruined my life, in the same ways that so many of you speak. Two marriages, isolation, what eventually became social phobia, and throughout the years, thoughts of s******e. I was born into a family of 6 other children, and I was the only one who had this problem. A neglectful mother did not once take me to a doctor to determine what was causing this distressing problem with her second youngest child, and so I was allowed to suffer for years until my 20's, when I plucked up the courage to try and find some answers on my own. But the deep embarrassment, shame, and anxiety that I felt even saying the words, bb, when I had to tell far too many receptionists why I was making an appointment to see the doctor; kept me in such a state that often times I would cancel the appointment as it was just too shameful.

Over the years, I've had a "submucous resection" as one ear/throat specialist felt my problem was related to dripping mucous in the back of my nasal cavity; but this proved to be a painful ordeal and in the end, of course did not work at all.

I've spent thousands of dollars on products claiming to cure bb, only to be disappointed once again. One product that I tried that was based in Australia, gave me about 60% relief, which I supposed was better than nothing. But I wanted the freedom, and confidence, that comes with the feeling that had eluded me for so many years - that of being able to walk into a room with a smile on my face, and hug someone without them quickly stepping back with their hand over their nose, and asking me what I'd had to eat that day.

People without this issue simply can't imagine what it's like, how it impacts every single moment of your life. How it erodes your confidence, your ability to find love when you smell like rotting fish, baking in the sun. How do you explain to a possible love interest that you can't kiss them or even sit in the front seat of the car, because the smell coming out of your mouth is so fowl? The things that you don't do in your life - the jobs you might have had but didn't apply for because within a day, you'd be found out and quickly avoided, from there on in. The time you spend trying to avoid family/friends social activities and why you would get labelled as quiet and often times rude, simply because you couldn't say thank you for a gift you'd just received, because you'd have to open your mouth and talk. The list goes on and on. Over the years I would often think that the only love I could truly count on and be comfortable with were my dogs/horses, as they were oblivious to the smell coming from their 'mom's
mouth.

As hard as I tried to cover my bb, when my daughter told me as a young teenager, that I had bb a lot, I was absolutely crushed. I had tried to hide it for years but there's only so much you can do...

All this to say, that I believe I have found a cure for my bb and I never, in this life time, thought I would ever be able to say this. I had simply given up and decided the best thing for me was to live a life of solitude, with my pets my main source of love. This is what I have inadvertently discovered...

My doctor put me on a product called Anoro Ellipta, three weeks ago, which is a small hand bronchilator that I inhale once a day. It was designed to help people with mild to moderate breathing issues (I'm an ex smoker) and needs only be taken once a day. I was having shortness of breath and this product has helped me tremendously. I am not advocating this product or suggesting that you try it, but here is what I've discovered, as an unexpected side bar.

Along with increasing my stamina etc., I had noticed after about 4 days that the taste in the back of my mouth was changing, and when I did a breath test, the horrible smell on the back of my hand was very faint. After a week on A.E., I discovered that there was no bad taste in my mouth at all. In fact, it was quite sweet and my mouth felt fresh and lovely, for the first time in 40 years. I was stunned by this but so afraid that it was a temporary side relief, but after 3 weeks my mouth is as pristine as it gets. I can go to bed without brushing my teeth, and in the morning, there is no bad taste in my mouth at all. It's unfortunate that with the current global situation, I can't try speaking to people up front and personal, but I do know that there has been a drastic change in my bb...and it's gone!

I can only assume that whatever was causing my chronic bb, tonsil stones that I can't see, constant nasal drip in the back of my throat etc.. whatever is in this product, is killing the offending cause of my bb. It doesn't matter what I eat, or if I even brush my teeth that day, if I take a puff of A.E. at the same time every morning, it lasts all day and through the night. I really don't want to analysis this too much as I am currently still in the 'excitement phase' and looking at myself in the mirror each morning, and wishing that I could kiss someone, for the first time without having them back away and plug their nose.

So three weeks after starting this product, I no longer have chronic bb and I suspect that if I should stop the A.E., it would probably come back. But if this is the cure that I've been waiting for all my life, at least I can now spend some time on Planet Earth feeling like most people who have never had to deal with this horrific problem. I have more research to do but I can keep you all posted as the weeks go by. But I haven't felt this much relief and happiness since that time, so long ago, when I was just 15 years old, and thanks to an excellent dentist and hydrogen peroxide, I had the sweetest smelling breath, even if it was only for a month.

I don't know why we've been cursed with this problem and for many years I thought that it was me. I've never, in my life, met anyone else with chronic bb, and because it was so shameful to talk about, I didn't have the where with all to ask questions etc. I just let this disorder slowly erode away my confidence, self belief, happiness, and motivation. When I think of all that I could have accomplished, especially if I'd had a mother who cared about the suffering of her child; it makes me want to curl up and cry all day.

Thank you for listening and please know that your stories continue to inspire me.

Stay safe.

your avoidant strategies and pain has articulated everything i've felt over the years, is painful to hear it articulated so clearly. happy you are able too find relief. wish i could too

[Crazyred91]

Actually the med u got is to treat Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) - which can cause lots of mucus and lesser oxigen getting to your lungs and this can cause bb so kinda makes sense....

Did u try the breathing technique described in the forum here before using the med?

[Taylor]

Thanks very much everyone for your comments. I can’t tell you how much a relief it is to be finally saying those two dreaded words out loud – bad breath. There has been such a stigma attached to these simple words that I couldn’t even write them out. This Forum has given me the courage to do just that.

Hopefulness, I can relate to everything that you’ve experienced, especially turning down free get aways. My opportunities came through my husband’s business travels, and spouses would often be invited to go to various parts of the word, for 5 – 7 days. I turned down most, including a trip to Hawaii, but I was in my late twenties and my confidence at an all time low. My children were toddlers at the time, and being a mother gave me great pleasure – my children loved me unconditionally and they were too young to question why their Mom was constantly turning her head away, or insisting on night time kisses on the cheek. And I knew that could show my love in so many other ways.

One trip I did not turn down and I’m not sure why now, but it was a 5 day trip to the Canary Islands and I really wanted to go. I almost cancelled when I saw the itinerary for the week, as the evenings were spent over lovely dinners and dancing/live entertainment. But I had it all planned out even before we boarded the plane, and I always insisted on a window seat. The 7 hour flight allowed me to pretend I was sleeping so that wasn’t too difficult to pull off. But the night time activities, with all of my husband’s business associates and their wives, was going to be the challenge of the century! I pulled it off but it caused several heated arguments between my husband and I that put a damper on what could have been a romantic interlude, as well. But there was nothing else that I could do, for the protection of those who I would have to mingle with after hours, and in the end, I know that my husband was sorry that I had agreed to go on this particular trip with him. I remember words such as disinterested, rude, not trying hard enough, and the b**ch word was thrown at me, every now and then. I wore many labels on that trip but I did manage to purchase a beautiful homemade shawl that I cherish to this day.

The spouses had many hours throughout the day to shop and tour the surrounding area, but this ended up being a problem as well, since we were all herded on to a tourist bus one morning, to be returned just before dinner. Rumbling around the countryside on a rickety old bus could have been a lot of fun, but needless to say, for me it was an absolute nightmare and it was the beginning of all the other women wondering, ‘who the hell does she think she is.’ That was my one and only trip to explore the beauty of the Canary Islands. But knowing that I had a dinner and live entertainment to be part of once we got back – well, my spirits were hugely dampened even though I wanted to experience authentic Flamingo dancing, as well as the sounds of haunting Spanish music. I did go for one night’s entertainment, but this came at a price and enormous planning to synchronize my every move.

But I solved the problem as best I could and the only way I knew how. I had a two hour window to make a more favourable impression, and I was going to give my husband at least that much. But I purposely showed up late for dinner, so that I wouldn’t have to eat, which would undo all the pre planning needed to get me through the door for a few hours.

I brushed my teeth with hydrogen peroxide, scraped my tongue until it was almost raw, and then gargled with H.P. for a good 2 minutes, followed by more tongue scraping. This gave me approximately 2 hours for any mouth odor to start seeping through, as long as I didn't eat so much as a salad.

After my intense mouth routine, I showered, got dressed, slapped on some lipstick so that this would be the only smell in my face area, and dressed to the nines. I remember feeling so beautiful, and wanting to make the best of the 2 hours that I had, feeling like a truly confident woman. People were able to see the other side of me, and I honestly had so much fun. But at the stroke of 9:00 p.m., I was making excuses as to why I had to leave so suddenly, just as the entertainment had really gotten started. I feigned the beginnings of a migraine and slipped away, back to my room, by myself. I spent the next few hours crying, begging God to take this affliction away from me. And I remember waking up the next morning, to my husband asking me to turn my head because my breath was absolutely fowl. So began another day of acute anxiety, self loathing, and not leaving my room for anything. My husband chose to carry on without me.

There were some highlights on this trip, but for the most part, I had put myself in a position where I was bound to come off as being anti-social, thinking I was better than everyone else, and a boring/limited conversationalist. It was wonderful to get away for a few days but the anxiety/hopelessness that I felt for days after our return, was simply not worth the effort. And my husband barely spoke to me for weeks on end, after my one and only all inclusive business trip.

I had a best girlfriend for almost 10 years and I managed to keep ‘my secret’ from her throughout our relationship, until one evening, after a two hour phone conversation, she finally asked me why I was so warm/friendly, and so such fun during these phone calls, but aloof and often times cold, unless we were sitting across the room from one another. I was stopped in my tracks and tried to come up with a legitimate answer, but of course I couldn’t, and that marked the downward spiral of having this cherished woman in my life. I would rather lose our friendship than tell her what was really going on. So for me, it’s not just the inner torment of trying to manage my life with this cursed disorder; but also the people who I’ve hurt over the years because I simply could not tell them of the shameful, invisible cross that I was carrying.

So many potential relationships that I could have had, or ones that I could have maintained, but in the end let relatives/friends go because of my bb. I know that I've hurt many people over the years, unintentionally, but that's the double whamy for me. It's not just the life I've been forced to live, but those who loved me and in the end got hurt, because of something so insidious as bb. This has weighed heavily on my mind over the years and I've thought about writing letters of apology for my part in the end of a relationship, but I just couldn't make that confession, that all of this was caused by a problem that I appeared to be born with, and had no control over how it would affect my life/relationships.

You mentioned in your previous post that you had ‘fresh breath.’ Does this mean that you’ve found a solution that works for you?

Roam1 – it is so painful to read of other people’s stories but for me the shared experience of the pain and trauma helps to defuse some of my own suffering. I really didn’t know how I would feel after writing out my first post, or the reactions I might get. But so far its been very cathartic and just knowing that others are willing to share the damage that bb has done to their lives; truly makes me feel not quite so alone.

I’ll keep you posted on my ongoing experiment with the boncholator that my doctor put me on a few weeks ago. But in the mean time, try to never give up, although I know from personal experience how difficult this can be, at times. Surely there will be an answer one day, for all of us.

Crazyred91 -yes, in many cases the medication that I’ve been put on is to help with COPD. In my case, I’m an ex smoker from many years ago, and as I’ve gotten older I’ve succumbed to what is an issue with some of my brothers/sisters. Because I have annual bouts with pneumonia/bronchitis, and as I age; my doctor felt it best to start me on a bronchilator now, as the hospital is the last place I want to be these days!

As of today, I am now into my 4th week on this med, and I’m still amazed at not only how it helps me to breathe easier at night, especially when I’m going through respiratory issues; to discover that it also has an affect on my bb has simply been astounding. I’m going to stay on this puffer for another 3 days, and then go off for 3 days, to see what happens with my breath. If it comes back, then there’s a definite correlation between the active ingredients and the possible cause (s) for my bb.

I’d been on this med for several weeks before I started posting here, so I haven’t had the opportunity to read the thread that discusses breathing techniques.

But I will definitely find the tread and give it a good read – thanks for the suggestion.

Please forgive the length of my posts. I’ll try to be a little more succinct in future!

Stay safe.

[HopefulOne]

Taylor, your post had me bawling like a baby. This affliction causes so much pain. All the planning and preparation just to “try” to have a good time. The nodding of the head, looking stupid when you have so much to say. The comments, jokes, and dirty looks. My family wondering why I chose the men that I did. Sometimes I feel like my life has been a total waste. I don’t even know if I will ever gain enough confidence to date again. I don’t even want to put in the effort. Bad breath has totally reshaped my personality, I’m a total introvert and I feel like a trapped animal in a crowd. The feeling that comes over you when someone leans over to have a whispered conversation...feeling like you want to just disappear. No one else could ever understand the impact bad breath could have one’s life. Even though my breath is manageable now, I still feel like my life is over!

[Taylor]

HopefulOne:

Thanks for your comments and I feel and completely understand your pain. And you’re so right – no one who hasn’t experienced the deep sorrow that bb causes; could possibly understand how it alters your life, in every way possible. What has further impacted me is that I’ve never met anyone else, in my entire life, who has had this problem. Of course there’s been people who wake up with ‘morning breath’ or who smell for a day when they’ve eaten garlic or spicy foods etc., but it goes away the next day and all is well.

I remember my husband would occasionally have bad breath from something that he’d eaten the day before, but it was gone within 24 hours. And I would have given anything to have my breath smell like I’d just eaten a bag of ‘hot tortillos’ as that would still be an improvement to what I normally smelled like! All this to say that I had believed for many years that I was the only woman on Planet Earth who suffered from a deeply personal and debilitating problem, that would haunt me for the rest of my life. Until I found this forum…

I honestly don’t understand why the medical/scientific community have not been able to find a permanent cure for people who suffer with chronic bb. But my experience has shown me that they simply don’t take us seriously and in the past, my family doctor has referred me to a psychiatrist, because he insisted ‘the problem’ was all in my head. Even though this doctor sat across from me and said, yes I did have bb, but he didn’t believe that it was a chronic condition – I just happened to have bb on the day of my visit. So what chance do we have if we’re told repeatedly that our condition is psychological and not based on fact?

After this particular visit, I was ready to give up. It took every ounce of courage I could muster up to go and see my family doctor to try and get help for a condition that was ruining my life, and I left his office feeling totally dismissed, and further humiliated.

To have a condition that is so damaging in every aspect of your life, is anything but psychological in nature. I’ve often wished that these professionals could spend a month in my shoes. Then perhaps I’d have been taken more seriously, and not treated like ‘some young woman who used bb as an excuse to not get close to people.’ Little did they know that I’d have given anything to sit on a park bench, chatting face to face with someone, or get on a crowded elevator without having to hold my breath until I almost passed out. Or to enjoy one Christmas dinner, where I could speak freely to whoever was sitting on either side of me…

I once tried to explain to a doctor that my bb had stunted my growth/development, to the point that I was light years away from where I wanted to be. That I had gifts/talents, long time career interests that I’d wanted to pursue, but couldn’t because of my bb. He sat there with a bemused look on his face, patronizing to the extreme, and chided me as if I were some confused teenager with ‘confidence issues.’ I was in my early thirties at the time and had spent all of those years trying to plan out every single minute of the day, so that I didn’t find myself in potentially embarrassing situations. My doctor thought I was kidding and when I didn’t laugh along with him, he then became very awkward and so I relieved him from any further discomfort and got up and left. Another one bites the dust.

HopefulOne, you mentioned that ‘your breath was now manageable.’ May I ask what your routine is, or if you’ve tried something new?

Stay safe.

[Crazyred91]

Hey can i ask what symptoms u got aside bb?
Like did u have a lot of mucus / tongue coating and if so did that also reduce after the medication?

[Taylor]

Crazyred:

I do have other symptoms i,e, coated tongue that changes colour, tonsil stones. Over the years, I've had tonsil stones that I could see, but I have a very strong gag reflex which doesn't allow me to do much digging.

As an experiment, I took myself off the bronchilator 2 days ago, and this has definitely changed my breathing at night. But I'm also noticing that familiar taste is starting to come back, although not as strong yet, as well as the coating on my tongue. So I'm giving it another 2 - 3 days and if my bb is back in full force (I have a feeling it will be) then I'll know that whatever is causing my bb, it's being killed by the ingredients in this medication.

I've tried every suggested medications over the years and some have partially helped but not to any great extent. As soon as I stopped using the 'suggested cure,' I was right back to where I started. The only thing that has killed my bb for a few hours, is slightly diluted Hydrogen Peroxide. I knew I had 2 - 3 hours of completely neutral breath after scraping my tongue, gargling with H.P,. for 2 minutes, followed by more tongue scraping. I could speak freely as close as I wanted, for that time period, but if I ate the slightest thing, even after gargling with H.P. , my bb came back immediately.

I plan to start using my bronchilator again on Monday so I have mixed feelings about this experiment, and ultimately what this all means. I would love to be able to call my doctor and tell him of my discovery, but he doesn't even know that I've suffered from this issue for most of my life, and I'd be too embarrassed to even mention it.

But I'll keep you all posted.

May I ask what your symptoms are?

[Cres]

Interesting read. My mom and sister have asthma but of course nothing like eternal shitbreath like I do. I can't say I have shortness of breath any more than the average person, sometimes I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen but it could be because I breathe pretty shallowly, and Anoro Ellipta is a prescription drug so I don't know how I would go about testing it.