Venting, crazy theories

[Peaceandlove]

It seems like this forum is kinda dying out? There's no one venting on here, so let's change that! This is the only place where we can be honest ab our struggles
I hate most of all that I try so hard, only for there to be no results. Literally almost drove me crazy the first year or two before I realised this was just out of my control. Speaking of things being out of my control, tell me why I have to come up with all this philosophical bs just to cope?? And I have to accept the lack of control that we humans really have over the directions of our lives, I have to tell myself that these abstract ideas I come up with are important bc I might as well cling to them when I can't change anything else, I have to journal and pray and try not to hate God for making me go through this and sm other stuff and everyone else just ****ing lives?? </3 yeah, ***k this life. Excuse my French, people lol. ( ￣-￣) -_-'
I have to put up with the things people say and do, I have to be humiliated, I have to put up with the fact that I'm losing sm opportunities bc of this... just horrible. I have to get up and face this everyday... literally so hard. Idk how much more I can take honestly. I just wish I could be accepted or my efforts could have an impact man
Anyways. I've seen a lot of people talking ab how doctors won't treat them and ofc finding a cure feels impossible... well my crazy/funny theories are that maybe this like some psychological experiment and doctors aren't allowed to treat us or smth... maybe we're mutants and can't be treated normally... idek
(See the crazy shit that comes into my mind bc of this horrible condition? X-<)