What we could have been without BB

[saveme]

I read this post by mike987 and it prompted me to start this thread. What could have been. I'm sure all of our lives would be so much different. I know for sure, my life would be so much better. I'm a sociable person by nature and it's a kick to my face to have to shut up every time I'm dealing with close encounters and awkward situations. There are so many stories, so many ideas and so many thoughts I want to share but I can't. Sometimes, I ask myself why is it that I've to go through this. If it is a test by God, hasn't it been long enough? I've suffered for years now and I know most of us here have too. It is a daily torture we endure and I can't think of a word more appropriate than a "war" that we are battling everyday. Wish it'll end soon. I'm sure anyone not facing this problem will find it funny and laugh at us. One day, when they are going through this themselves, they will soon realise what it is like. I hate to be a silent sufferer and to be the butt of jokes that I know I'm not imagining. Most people are aware even if they don't voice it out, I can tell from their reactions that they have accepted me for what I am. But there is always the minority who want to strike you down and attack you at your weakest point. It's my Achilles' heel I can't conquer. They giggle and snigger and it makes me feel helpless. I remember one classmate even handed me a candy and said "especially for you". I hate her for that and every time I see her, I try to avoid her. It makes me feel so low when I deal with such situations and I can't do anything to defend myself. I know if I tried to, things could turn out worse and I may land myself in a sticky situation and I'd be the biggest joke.

I could have been so much better than what I am right now. I feel so dumb when I can't even go out with someone I like or someone I've mutual feelings for. I keep holding back for the simple reason that I know I can't hold a decent conversation and I don't want to look plain stupid. If not for this. I'd have gone straight up to the person I've fallen for years ago and told him everything I've always wanted to. I'd be a much more confident person and stop holding back. I wish I could carry normal conversations with everyone just like everybody else. It pains me to look afar at him when all I want is to talk to him. Now I can't and I don't know when I can. I wish I could stop worrying about what everybody thinks of me and this insecurity will go away. My greatest wish for now is for this to go away and for me to get my life back. I just want an ordinary life.

Because I know even the most ordinary life can be made extraordinary. All of us will make it. Let us fight this together.

[billie]

where would i´ve been without BB
I think i would be a dancer cause that is what i love do do.
i would Definitely something with showbiz maybe behind the scenes.
I dance alot in my room but i would like to take danceclass to become a better dancer
Ijust keep dreaming and hoping that my dreams will come true one day

[Busted]

I read this post by mike987 and it prompted me to start this thread. What could have been. I'm sure all of our lives would be so much different. I know for sure, my life would be so much better. I'm a sociable person by nature and it's a kick to my face to have to shut up every time I'm dealing with close encounters and awkward situations. There are so many stories, so many ideas and so many thoughts I want to share but I can't. Sometimes, I ask myself why is it that I've to go through this. If it is a test by God, hasn't it been long enough? I've suffered for years now and I know most of us here have too. It is a daily torture we endure and I can't think of a word more appropriate than a "war" that we are battling everyday. Wish it'll end soon. I'm sure anyone not facing this problem will find it funny and laugh at us. One day, when they are going through this themselves, they will soon realise what it is like. I hate to be a silent sufferer and to be the butt of jokes that I know I'm not imagining. Most people are aware even if they don't voice it out, I can tell from their reactions that they have accepted me for what I am. But there is always the minority who want to strike you down and attack you at your weakest point. It's my Achilles' heel I can't conquer. They giggle and snigger and it makes me feel helpless. I remember one classmate even handed me a candy and said "especially for you". I hate her for that and every time I see her, I try to avoid her. It makes me feel so low when I deal with such situations and I can't do anything to defend myself. I know if I tried to, things could turn out worse and I may land myself in a sticky situation and I'd be the biggest joke.

I could have been so much better than what I am right now. I feel so dumb when I can't even go out with someone I like or someone I've mutual feelings for. I keep holding back for the simple reason that I know I can't hold a decent conversation and I don't want to look plain stupid. If not for this. I'd have gone straight up to the person I've fallen for years ago and told him everything I've always wanted to. I'd be a much more confident person and stop holding back. I wish I could carry normal conversations with everyone just like everybody else. It pains me to look afar at him when all I want is to talk to him. Now I can't and I don't know when I can. I wish I could stop worrying about what everybody thinks of me and this insecurity will go away. My greatest wish for now is for this to go away and for me to get my life back. I just want an ordinary life.

Because I know even the most ordinary life can be made extraordinary. All of us will make it. Let us fight this together.

I agree with everythin you say. This life pretty much blows. A good reason to not take it so serious, otherwise you'll feel bad all the time. I see it as a joke too. I'm just doing my best now, but I cannot force other people to like my bb. That's something they will never understand. They always say I don't like to talk to someone. I'm sorry but I refuse to attack someone constantly.

I think I would be a very social person and wouldn't get all the undeserved criticism.

[mike987]

That's sad saveme. It really is a living nightmare..

Before this BB appeared, I was finally piecing together a valid and possible dream.. I wanted to travel and help others and I finally found an affordable way for me to do this.. I would get to the country I want to learn more about, develop a better ability for the language, and help a cause I beileved in.. Now I know the only place I'm somewhat accepted is in my parents house, though I'm beginning to be a burden for them I'm certain..


I've been self conscious all my youth. There was always something I wasn't happy with or a problem that I mentally made into a huge issue... Eventually I've come to learn that the problems I made into a big deal were trivial matters..

So it almost seems like someone's idea of a joke.. I finally begin to learn to overcome these silly issues, and then I realize I have BB.. The ultimate self conscious problem... i thought over and over that this was probably just like those other problems.. Either minor and insignificant or maybe nonexistent at all.. I wanted to to be fake so badly.. I denied the truth for months before having tallied up so many reactions, physical attributes, and other supporting and hard evidence that it could no longer be denied.. And unlike all those other things, this is real, and indefinitely worse than any of those other concerns that I mentally made into a problem.

This isn't something you can just shake off and blame on a bad mood, or glass-half-empty thinking.. You can't look toward to tomorrow as a new day, because you've still got the ****ing bad breath no matter what you do..


Today, I thought my BB wasn't so bad.. I could only sense a small smell from my nose this morning, so I had been happier throughout the day... Until about 2 hours ago.. Someone at work who sometimes makes loud remarks to himself when passing by like "it smells like ass back here" .. was passing through our area of the ktichen.. Stopped behind an area where I couldn't really see, and was discreetly saying something to one of the server girls.. I couldn't tell exactly what he said, but knowing the way he's reacted in the past, I knew what it was about. I heard the girl then say 'Yeh, it's disgusting'. ...

I got so mad.. In my mind all I could think about was what would go down if I had approached him at that moment.. Ask him if 3 - 5 times complete oral routine is enough.. Then talking about how I want to kill myself and that before I do I would murder him.. I then thought about what I would say in describing the murder to his face.. I went through all the details .. Pulling him in to the cooler, gutting his intestines and stuffing them into his throat. Popping his eyeballs out and chewing them while he could still see out of them. Biting his face off. Then finally taking a dump on his exposed lungs while breathing out long and deep into what was left of his face so he could smell my breath intsensely as he died.


Sorry for that but this BB is putting me over the edge and making me insane. Part of it is just my vivid imagination, but when I no longer feel human next to everyone else, I really do feel that I'm going crazy.. I'm losing my sympathy for people...


When I was leaving work, two girls commented on my hair cut (I hadn't cut it in 2 years until two days ago, so it was long.. now very short) .. They said is looked cute, then one of them said, "you don't talk much, do you" I really didn't know what to say.. I felt stupid, as always, but I smiled a bit and said 'I.. I'm kinda tired right now', and gave a nod and went out the door.. My response barely pertains to what was even said .. ugh..

My time is running out.. I can feel it. But right now I have unfinished business and can't die just yet.. I hope a cure or some way for me to get proper treatment will show up sometime before then, but it's unlikely.



I appreciate your enthusiasm at the end.. Something we all sometimes toss on to our posts...

[jc]

Just hang in there, mike987. You`re still young & only had bb for 2 years so you still have hope of rebuilding your life if a cure is found. I had the same thought as you 14 years ago. During those times there were no forums & info about bb are very limited. It felt like it was the end of the world for me & I thought I`ll never survive but after a while you`ll get used to it. Learn to adapt & be numb in some way, those are the only things that helped me.

[elliott]

Being numb is key. It doesn't matter how bad my breath is... it's only when I see the reactions that bother me. I can go a few days without anyone near me, and I feel fine not being reminded of the curse. The comments and reactions send me over the edge when they do happen.

There's this one girl at work, that seems to take it personal that I have BB. I guess I'm annoying to her, and she wants make my life hell so she doesn't have to deal with me. So she thinks that it's best that not only am I unable to communicate, but I should lose my job, be homeless, and hungry. She's been using her power to do things to me at work. If she succeeds , oh the thoughts that go thru my mind. I don't want to think about it.

But I try to pretend she doesn't even exist now. I pretend I don't see or hear anything, it's just me alone with the world. I find that I forget I have BB after awhile. Be numb. It works!

[j0n1982]

Honestly, I cant imagine myself without it. I have suffered from this for as far back as I can remember. My childhood memories are nothing but painful experiences with H.

I remember telling myself that I wanted to make sure I'd get cured by the time I am 21. I didn't. Hopefully I get cured one day, but until then I don't know. I try to picture things out with me being normal as normal can be...It just doesn't sink in a nice way. I see a blank.

Right now, I have just discovered a new great hope though. I have been seeing the name of Dr Finkelstein but ignored him up until Christmas morn. I read his interview and his views regarding our issue. I must say that he must be correct. I completely agree with him.

Now, my lifelong mission is to be able to visit him and ask to get cured. I want nothing but that. Hopefully in the next 5-10 years I will have enough money to get there. I reckon I need at least I $5000 to get there. I still have a long way to go. I will work hard to get to that amount though.

I call on everyone to hang in there. I know that we are really in a comprosing position. It is just the way it is. I have learned to accept my little self, in a way. I told, JC to just let things be for the meantime. I know. But there IS a cure now. WE just need a little amount to get it. I am glad that there is something to look forward to.

Merry Christmas everyone. I wish you all a great New Year as well

[greenman]

a sane individual

[saveme]

It makes me feel sad every time I read these posts knowing there are people so much like me. At the same time, I feel relieved knowing I'm not alone. Mike987,you do have a wild imagination but this part really made me laugh: "Pulling him in to the cooler, gutting his intestines and stuffing them into his throat. Popping his eyeballs out and chewing them while he could still see out of them. Biting his face off. Then finally taking a dump on his exposed lungs while breathing out long and deep into what was left of his face so he could smell my breath intensely as he died." If we were in a literal battle, our side will definitely win and conquer the world. Stronger than any atomic bombs. Indeed, BB lets our imagination run wild and think up of endless insane notions. But maybe this is what that keeps us going. We can't be too sane in an insane world. mike987, please don't say that, don't say your time is running out, don't give up no matter what. Life goes on, be strong and someday, we'll all be cured. I'm not saying this out of denial but today, I felt so much better. I chewed gum the whole of last night and this morning I could even talk to people at close range and it gave me a glimmer of hope and a little more courage to deal with this. Maybe the trick is to keep finding new ways and new solutions. Different combinations may yield different results. Keep trying to find out which method works best and I think the game is to be able to laugh and accept ourselves for the way we are. Its hard when we don't want to be this way but whenever you feel down, we can vent it out here Feels so much better to be able to tell people how I feel, knowing I won't be judged. That's how I feel.

[sean]

Good one greenman LOL!!!

I would have been a medical doctor. I was all set to finish up premed when this thing became a major problem. I stewed for a couple of years about my decision not to continue, but I finally accepted it. I am now more terrified of what I will do in retiremement. I love to travel but I cannot bear the reactions of people who sit beside me on an 8 hour flight to London. You can tell they are dying but there is no place to go.

God Damn it!!!! Oops; did I say that out loud?

For the cure.

Sean

[Busted]

I would be able to speak to anyone from any distance.

[mike987]

I would be able to speak to anyone from any distance.

heh, men will dream..



but seriously... you poor, humble man .. if only we lived in a time when the cure for any of our halitosis problems was available..
It does seem amazing how men have recorded the human genome and rewritten DNA but have little understanding of stanky breath -_- ..

[Busted]

I would be able to speak to anyone from any distance.

heh, men will dream..



but seriously... you poor, humble man .. if only we lived in a time when the cure for any of our halitosis problems was available..
It does seem amazing how men have recorded the human genome and rewritten DNA but have little understanding of stanky breath -_- ..

It's very hard to believe, I'm pretty sure everyone here who got told they got bad breath for the first time all thought "Oh I'll just go buy some listerine", but little did they know what was coming...
-_-

I'm attacking everyone around me...

[Larc400]

Shame we don't all live in the same place...... then at least we'd get some normal social interaction & maybe speed up the search for a cure ..... I mean, I have social interaction & gf etc now, but I can't really talk to them about this thing that occupies 98% of my thoughts........

[elliott]

It's very hard to believe, I'm pretty sure everyone here who got told they got bad breath for the first time all thought "Oh I'll just go buy some listerine", but little did they know what was coming...
-_-

I remember those days. I remember when I thought some Clorets gum would solve my problem! I had no idea how my life would change, and it's scary to think about the slow transition that resulted in me smelling like a piece of freshly released shit log.

Oh well, at least I don't feel it's getting worse. I don't think I'll get beyond 80% stink factor, since my oral care gets rid of 20%.

Think I'll have some beers tonight. F' it.