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Be careful with your Colleagues
Be careful with your Colleagues
Just wanted to share a recent incident happened to me. Although i think every1 in my team knows about my bb but still nobody questioned me..few days back some of them went for lunch... as it was very informal one so i avoided it....i thought nobody will pay much attention....but now i understand the mistake i made....as i was not with them during lunch...they must have gossiped about me and since then they are asking me wierd questions... when i am in office i literally feel like crying....these days are becoming really very tough for me...as i dont talk much with any one so whenever someone meets me or see me..i get a feeling that they must be thinking about the gossips...
Otherwise the are very humble but whenever they ask this question of not having lunch with them ...i just make up some excuse...
I have one option..as i am little senior to them shall i strictly ask them "do u have any problem?" or shall i just smile and give random answer which they know is wrong.. i hope my rude answer should not blow this matter out of proportion...
I am so frustrated......thanks to this forum.. i feel better.
btw what do u think...shall i answer back strictly....what should i do if they again go for team lunch???? if i go they may ask we why i never came before...these thoughts have so much occupied my mind that i have lost the initial enthusiasm to fight against bb.
My suggestion: you may avoid our friends but dont avoid your Colleagues as it is with them you have to spend a major part of day.
Why don't you try going along with them for lunch? Especially if you have to work with them as a team, it'll be good to join them and get to know them better, otherwise they might mistake you as being aloof. The fact that they tried to ask you along for lunch is something positive, and maybe they didn't even detect your BB?
What weird questions did they ask that made you think they must have gossiped about you? I think for BB sufferers, sometimes we may be overly-sensitive although we can't help it.
I had the same problem and this is what i did
One morning i came to work and said to all my colleagues that yesterday the doctor told me that i was sick and had problem with my stomick. I told them that the doctor said maybe i will not get better and that i have a serious problem with my stomick, i lied to them. Since that day until today they have never showed me a sign of my bb and they talk to me like normal people. I think you have to lie to them that you are sick and feeling bad so they will accept your bb. And i promise you i feel much better now because i can talk to them without any problem and they dont let me feel bad about my bb, they understand you more now. If you dont tell them you are sick they will start wondering that you are dirty or that you never bruches your teeth same problem i had. When you tell them that you are sick, after that you will feel much much better to talk to them because you know that they will think like: ok that guys bb comes from his stomick and not his mouth
Sorry for my english
what Prince did is sort of what I did too . Telling 1 co-worker that I have a condition that causes symptoms including bb. For me this doesn't stop the weirdness between me and other co-workers but I think it opens the door to later explanations and questions .
If they are genuinely asking you to lunch , I take it they are not driven away by your breath . Consider going to lunch . If they ask why you didn't go last time , it should only be the once.
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The mere idea of having to sit close to people and eating with them gives me nightmares. I have no choice but to avoid eating with them, my bb is horrible. They don't ask me any questions and do not put me on the spot, but we all know ...
Thanks for your suggestions..In the past three days I went with them on different occasions. Although I preferred to speak very less ...all in all it was good. At least it saved me from the embarrassment when we meet after lunch
I am trying to mix up with them and will go for movie also if they ask(I have avoided this in past.)
But you know what...going for movie and all seems easy but it is very uncomfortable going for lunch as it is awkward to keep quiet for so long..also the person sitting next to you may get bored
sounds like step to success Focused . You are getting over your phobia . Keep it upfocused wrote:Hi All,
Thanks for your suggestions..In the past three days I went with them on different occasions. Although I preferred to speak very less ...all in all it was good. At least it saved me from the embarrassment when we meet after lunch
today another girl came to me and asked me why i didnt came yesterday.....my colleagues sitting beside me knew i wasn't even invited. I felt so embarrassed...i just said i had some other work....i really felt like crying out...
Mind you I am not oversensitive...due to bb i have to do many things which i would have never thought of.....it is not easy to join them if i am not invited...they were doing all the planning etc..without considering me....
PLZ NOTE THAT THE TREATMENT I GOT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF BB BUT BECAUSE THEY ASSUME THAT I LIKE TO BE LEFT ALONE...
there are people in my team who were not even invited once.mind you they dont have bb.i realised that its not bb but its my constant NO NO makes them skip me for any program.
I know people can be nice to me because my nature is good. Its just that my current team thinks i am wierd....I am thinking of looking for other job...i will definitely socialise there.
I hope following tips will definitely help you coz i have learned them hard way:
1. Be kind to people. The chances of people liking you will be more.
2. Whatever be your profession..excel in it..I dont want to preach..but believe me I am very strong in my work area hence i have that respect in my team.
3. No need to say brush,floss blah blah..we know enough...But pay attention to your personality...Always groom yourself nicely so that people will not think that you have dirty habits.
4. Make yourself physically strong. the chances of you getting bullied will be less. The person will think twice before commenting.
thats all i wanted to share...hope that helps...
PS: Sharing my feeling here made me relaxed . I was on the verge of crying in office today.
When you say they don't consider you , I think this is not completely true . If they think you are the guy who doesn't want to go ,they Are considering you . By default it sounds like you would be invited to these things but after you turning them down many times they consider your feelings and dont bother you . If you would like to be included this time, you should tell them .
Its very easy to create mental drama and blow things out of realistic proportion by speculating . If this is your habit now, what makes you think you will be different at your next job ? You should take a month and slowly make friends at this job . If you plan to leave anyway , there is no harm in you making friends at this job now .
'Skunkhugs' bb/bo support chat on skype
Do you think it will be easy to go for interviews with bb? Its not easy and it doesn't hurt being nice to people around you.
If the new girl asked why you did not join for lunch, just tell her the truth that you weren't invited. Deebo's idea is good. Just let everyone know that you have some health issues and the doctor said there is no cure. Stay in your current job, please!!! Do not quit like I did.