He's actions are doing something horrible to my mental state and I feel like i need to break off our relationship just to give me piece of mind and to relieve him of the horrible stink that is me :'(.
I haven't talked openly to him about my bb. I'm a shy person and a very sensitive person and I know that there is no way I will be able to talk openly about it to him or anyone else.
I don't know what to do. I love him and I know he loves me. I've tried several times to encourage him to leave but he doesn't budge. But he does not realize how bad he's hurting me by doing those actions every single time we talk. It really hurts to see him desperately search for something to fan in front of his face, usually it's a book. . . He always has a book nearby when he is talking with me (to fan and flip through pages) but not with anyone else. When I ask him why he always has a book he just says he reading it but he never reads. He has used hats, paper, the sleeve of his jacket, he ruffles the curtains, wave doors back and forth and once went out of his way to use an orange that he didn't eat to wave across his nose.
Anyway....it's just really putting a strain on me mentally. I hate this condition so much and no one understands. I feel alone all the time. I often wish God would just call me home already so I don't have to suffer anymore.