What kind of personality do you have?

[godblessyou2493]

I’m curious how this disease have damaged our personality and our self esteem.
I will write something about myself and I would like to know your honest stories too to see if we have something in common to understand in which way the bb have influenced our self esteem and personalites.

I’m 30 yo, first I want to mention that I find myself not having a genuine personality, I never been myself a single time since I have this disease I feel empty inside really I don’t know who m I. I never been truly happy one single time in my entire life, I’m very depressed, anxious and insecure about everything also when I’m alone.
In the last four years I made an obsession to find the cure for this disease and only this thing is in my mind I go to sleep with this idea and wake up with it. I was/I’m very depressed most likely because I found that is impossible to live a normal life with this nightmare, there is no future.

I don’t enjoy to stay around my friends/familly, I’m never connected in group discussions and I never want to meet new people, my mind is always on my bb. I feel like that I have 0 empathy in discussions with other people. In social meetings I’m always a fake person, I do fake smiles when someone do a joke, I try to make people think that I’m not a insecure person but inside I’m dead. So in conclusion I feel a fake person when I’m around people, I’m afraid that this disease made me a covert narcissist (check on google what is it), I have a lot of the symptoms. And I hope if I will be cured and fix this trauma will have again a normal personality enjoying what every normal people does.

One more thing I never open myself to my familly or everyone about my problems, I try to make them think that everything is fine. I tried one time to explain to my mother when I was 16 and she said that I’m crazy and scream at me and also she let know the entire familly about this thing making them think that I was crazy.